Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
It’s so great how you already know everything, Leo. It makes my job a lot easier, as well as anyone who thought they could actually teach you something. How do you live with being so perfect? Oh, you’re not perfect? Because sometimes you come off as if you think you are. Sure, you’ve got some tricks up your sleeve. You’ve been around the block a few times. But when it comes right down to it, you are, like every other human on the planet, pretty much clueless about, well, about everything. Inject some humility into your routine. Remember that you, too, have tons left to learn, and will never get it all. Then, and only then, will you even get some.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
If you were here last week, I would have sat on you, and forced you to enjoy some sunshine and beautiful weather, and to ignore everything else you had to do. Of course, you wouldn’t have been able to relax and enjoy it, because of some incredible panic and frenzy about your neglected To-Do list. Has anyone tried to sit on you lately, and make you be lazy? I hope so, even though I doubt they were successful. Still, this would be a good week to chill out. Do it the Virgo way, if you have to (which you probably do), and get the most important shit out of the way, so when you ignore the rest, you don’t freak out. Then, really ignore the rest and, naturally, don’t freak out.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Libras are sponges. You soak up whatever’s around you, good or bad, and incorporate much of it into who you are. Sometimes you need a good squeeze, to lose some of your crap, stuff you absorbed ages ago and have never gotten rid of. You also need to surround yourself with high-quality people. I hope you’ve already done that, at least, and if you haven’t — what the hell have you been doing? Find yourself some keepers, pronto. Then, get those good, caring, smart, and inspiring people to give you the squeeze you need — both metaphorically and for real, to get rid of the old bad, and make room for the new good.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
We are, in general, getting smarter as we get older. For example, people usually score higher and higher on IQ tests as they age. Of course, that makes sense. Using your brain is practicing thinking, which means you’ll get better at it. The main problem here is atrophy. There are parts of yourself you haven’t used in ages. You’re way out of practice, whether it’s your tennis backhand or your heart you’re trying to use. You might be too daunted to get them back into play. I understand your trepidation, but it’s time to get over that. Oil up those squeaky, rusted joints, and give it a go. You’ll be amazed at how quickly all those half-forgotten skills come back.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Some people feel paralyzed because they feel disempowered, like they can’t do anything. They imagine they have no choices. That’s usually not you, Sag. If anything, you’re paralyzed by too many options. When you can make virtually anything happen, go anywhere, and do whatever you like, choosing just what you’re going to do can be a trial. Some Sags are so befuddled that they end up not doing anything. I hope that’s not you, squandering so much brilliant potential. If you really and truly don’t know what to do with yourself, I bet you know someone who’ll give you an earful on the subject. If your internal guiding voice is unclear, why not try listening to them?
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Stop thinking of your body as a machine that needs to be maintained and fed. It’s time to consider it, instead, as simply a source of pleasure, whatever its shape, limitations, or imperfections. Many Caps regard their corporeal forms as simply vehicles to carry their brains around in, and do their absolute best to ignore their bodies, ignoring or denying the pleasures of a hedonistic meal, a good shit, a fantastic shag, a massage, or a million other things. Is your body inconvenient and annoying? That’s screwed up. Find a way to regard it as a pleasure-manufacturer, and let it be just that.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
There’s a difference between confidence and ego. You don’t need to be the best at anything, or push harder than everyone else. Go for that, if that’s your thing, but I would suggest a more modest, achievable, and satisfying goal: simply being well and truly comfortable in your own skin, your own life. Ambition is all well and good, and I hope you don’t give it up. All I’m suggesting is that in the meantime, you also be happy with who and what you are. Being sweetly comfy in your own skin isn’t perhaps your ultimate goal in your life—but if your dream doesn’t at least include this vital step, you’re missing something important.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
People practice stuff in their dreams all the time, and then show amazing, measurable improvement the very next time they try it. Studies have found that virtually the same neural pathways are exercised in the brain when you dream about doing something as when you actually do it. It’s true, you can only get so far by thinking (or dreaming) about something; eventually you just have to actually do it. However, you can get a lot further than you imagine. Perhaps a bit of mental practice (awake or asleep) is what you need, to succeed.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
If all you need are willpower and determination, you’re golden. However, if a situation requires more from you— tact, say, or long-term discipline — you might be screwed, as they’re hardly your natural strengths. You can develop them, however, until you can deliver a back-handed compliment as well as any Capricorn, or put your nose to the grindstone with the humble fortitude of a Virgo, or listen as sensitively as a Cancer. There are a few skills you could stand to improve on. You know what they are, and you know pure desire and drive aren’t suitable substitutions. This week, work on the pieces you’re missing.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Just take a chance. Sometimes people are open to you, but lack the confidence or the motivation to stick their necks out and take a risk making the first move. It might not be fair that you always have to be the one who risks appearing the fool, but right now that’s just the way it is, if you want anything exciting or interesting to happen. Of course, you always have the option of the same old nothing you’ve settled for so far; simply do nothing. Don’t risk rejection or embarrassment. That’s certainly easier. It’s also incredibly dull. I believe you’re more fascinating than that. Prove me right.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Forgive and forget. Holding a grudge, no matter how justified, is like wearing a fifty-pound weight around your neck. It requires so much energy and represents such a burden that you might as well just give up doing anything fun, dynamic, or brilliant until the score is settled. Geminis are supposed to be footloose and fancy-free. It’s part of your charm. That means getting over and moving on from your setbacks as swiftly as possible, and remembering how to delight in life again, good and bad. This week, shed the fifty-pound weight (and any others) you might be carrying, and get over whatever they are, already. It’s time to fly again. It’s already been too long.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Don’t be impatient. You actually have the answers to most of your questions already. Three seconds of reflection would make you realize it. While I admire your willingness to simply ask others — a skill many other signs utterly lack — it’s often unnecessary. Sometimes you ask the question to whoever’s nearby before you ask it of yourself, and realize you already knew the answer (or could have easily figured it out) if you’d just bothered to try before opening your mouth. I’m being nitpicky, I know. But sometimes nitpicky stuff like that means the difference between getting the job, the date, the adoring spotlight, or not.
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