Sign language: What do the stars have in line for you this week?
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Equilibrium and stability are possible. They’re just boring, compared with the precipitous ups and downs that normally characterize your existence. However, those chapters of constancy and routine, though less exciting, are chances to get a lot done, because it’s easy to be productive when you’re not coping with emotional crises. You haven’t steered for calmer waters in a while, since you generally (secretly) prefer stormier seas. But as you have an awful lot going on right now, perhaps this is a good time to sail your boat into some tranquil port to make repairs, and simply get shit done?
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
For some Leos in relationships, the other person barely matters. These Lions don’t so much especially love their partners; they love themselves, with that person. I don’t expect all of you to utterly shatter the mirror you always hold up to yourselves, but some Leos really do need to cut it down to a smaller, more manageable size. (You know who you are.) See past your own reflection long enough to notice people in their own lives, not simply for the parts they play in your grand drama. In other words, love people for who they are, not just who they inspire you to be.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Subconscious expectations determine so much of our experience. Children told a scary story about bears, even if they laugh all the way through it, will be quite likely to mistake bushes for beasts on a night walk through the woods afterwards. So often, we see simply what we think we’ll see, whether it’s there or not. This week, work on stripping down some of your filters, and trying to dispassionately perceive things more as they are. If you must delude yourself by seeing things that aren’t there, at least conjure images that will empower you, not frighten or intimidate you.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Every sign evolves, naturally. Leos mellow out and become more modest, generous and loving. Capricorns become more charmingly childlike with every passing year. And Libras learn how to leave things out of balance. While equilibrium is certainly a pleasant state, it isn’t especially conducive to change. It’s also—when you’re the one providing the balance to a situation—quite limiting. You only get to be what the group dynamic, job, or relationship requires, instead of fulfilling your true potential, which is likely much, much more than what’s being asked of you in any given moment. Screw that. Let things be out of whack, if it means you get to be who you really are, rather than what everyone else “needs” you to be.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
I’ve been vegetarian for 27 years (saving 5500 animals and keeping over 43,000lbs. of carbon dioxide from being released into the atmosphere). I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with eating meat (though don’t get me started on the damnable horror of factory farming). That’s nature. Animals eat each other. I’ve simply made a choice that’s right for me, and I wouldn’t think to impose it upon anyone else (though I would encourage everyone to consume free-range animals, for your health, and soul). It’s quite likely your decisions are right for you, and only you. Insisting that someone else follow your exact path is robbing them of the freedom you enjoyed when you chose it in the first place. Don’t do it.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Some people think that dreams access some other plane of reality; others assume they simply tap into some internal wisdom not consciously available. Many people use their dreams to ask questions they don’t know the answers to in waking life, and get answers that surprise, inspire, and enlighten them. In my experience Sagittarians—notoriously relentless truth-seekers—are the best at this (I’d love to hear about a time you got an answer to an important question in a dream: firstname.lastname@example.org). The answer to your life’s current most burning question might not be found in your dreams (though I’d look there first), but it will almost certainly be found someplace nearly as unusual.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
What are you, a Pisces? Suddenly, you’re as giddy and distracted as a virgin on prom night. Perhaps it’s recent developments, or maybe you’re preoccupied with some other big event, so you can’t focus all your attention on the present moment. Snap out of it, Cap. We need you to be in especially sharp form this week, to cut through some of the spin and bullshit that’ll be flying our way. What is it that’s buying up so much of your mental real estate? Is it anything you can do anything about now? No? Then take your thoughts off the market and bring them to bear on the situation on hand, which you can dominate and own—if you actually show up.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Pirates are huge these days. Like other similar recollections of past eras (renaissance fairs, for example), popular perception of pirates reflects a sort of “best of” mentality. We take (and exaggerate) the best bits, and ignore or leave out the rest. You’re good at this, aren’t you? You romanticize memories so well, you end up pining over someone who actually made you miserable at the time. It’s nice to remember the sweet moments; just don’t forget the shit, too, lest you lose perspective. Spinning a fairy tale out of pirates and knights is one thing. Making one out of your past relationships, though, is nothing short of disaster.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Despite my frequent Pisces-bashing, you should know I adore you. You seem to operate in another, parallel reality which differs from ours in many subtle, incredible ways. This is occasionally confounding or bewildering, but also almost always fascinating and inspiring. That’s a gift. Just by being yourself, you get to encourage us to experience life in ways we might have had trouble imagining before. If you could also be on time or develop some consistent stick-to-it-iveness, that’d be great. But never forget your true strength: you’re weird, and unique, in how you live and see the world. Sharing that truly outweighs all the rest.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
You’re like a plant whose leaves are drooping from lack of water. Unfortunately, no one’s noticing, and endless blue skies indicate no rain for days. Luckily, you’re not actually a plant, doomed to wither away in the summer sun. You’ve got a voice, one you’re not usually afraid to use to demand what you want and need. Since when did you start letting yourself get shut down? I know those holding you back insist you ought to not require so much water and sunlight (or love and affection) to live and thrive. But you do. Stop depriving yourself because of those assholes. Speak up and ask for what you need, regardless of what they say, or think.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
How comfortable are you inside your own skin, your own life? Some Taureans still maintain a certain façade to hide their true selves. When people are coming over, for example, you clean the house the way you never would for yourself, hiding the porn and junk food detritus. A lot of that has to do with simply making your guests comfortable, but at least some of it reflects a kind of certainty that people will only like a cleaned-up, more “acceptable” version of you. That’s selling most of your friends short. Let us see the real you. We’ll like it, I promise—and you’ll like us liking it, because that means more fun and intimacy all around.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Geminis hate missing out on anything. You hear music, fireworks, excitement, or chaos down the street, and you’re off like a flash, dropping whatever you were doing without a second thought. You hate it when you hear about something exciting your friends did that you totally missed out on. This pressure to always be there, in the thick of things, means you don’t always take the time for yourself that you need. You can’t bear to say no to an invitation to anything, because what if it turns out to be the most exciting event of the month? Well this week, there’s nothing to miss. It’s time to chill. Say no as often as necessary until you get the “me time” you desperately need, and then some.
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