By Caeriel Crestin - For Weekender

Sign language: What do the stars have in line for you this week?

Print This Page
Pixabay file image

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Sure, you can punish a kid for doing something bad, or reward them for being good, but ultimately this is absolutely the most limited way to prepare someone for a rich and fulfilling life. Forget consequences and treats, which might work on a small child but would never work on anyone able to think for themselves. At some point, the only way to get a person to conform to your ideals or methods is to convince them that it’s simply the most satisfying or effective way to live life. If you can’t convince anyone of that, you have to ask yourself: why the hell did you choose it?

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Leos, ruled by the sun, are sometimes as impossible to ignore as the massive ongoing nuclear reaction that sustains life on Earth. People do ignore the sun, though, or forget about it, or take it for granted. Clouds get in the way. Air conditioning cools them down, and they forget all about the warmth and radiance you offer. That’s not easy on a Leonine ego, but you have to get over it. Although people can do without you for short periods, they do ultimately need you. Get through your social dry spells without getting bitter. They won’t last long.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

We’re moving ever closer to a transparent society. Lots of people Instagram, tweet, or otherwise document their lives. Many cops have begun video-recording every encounter in case the footage is useful in court. Ubiquitous public cameras and drones utterly shatter the illusion of privacy. Although this has its downsides, I think it’s mostly positive; greater transparency means greater accountability. The more people know about you, the more impressed they’ll be, and the more you know about them, the more choices you’ll have, like whether to nail their asses to the wall, or forgive them, for what they’re doing (or not doing).

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Most studies about weight loss or weight gain seem to show one thing: fat people tend to stay fat, in the long run, and skinny people tend to stay skinny. Of course, a determined person with a long-term plan could probably have whatever body shape they want, but mostly our bodies find a size they’re comfortable with, and push us to return to that whenever we diverge from it. So what does this mean? We can’t change? We might as well give up? No, I don’t think so. It’s just that the change you’re contemplating might require a bit more effort than you’re putting in. You choose: Call it quits, or step it up three notches. There’s no point in simply continuing as you have. You’ll just fail.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You’ll find as you get older that you just get better and better. Some other signs find aging bewildering, and don’t know how to cope as they and their friends become old people and die. But Scorpios are more prepared for these inevitabilities, and so you’re not shocked by wrinkles and other signs of age. In fact, you can be a bastion of strength and support and guidance as people freak out. Scorpios need to ripen, I often say. That should be a comforting feeling, to know that every taste of you someone gets will, generally, be more satisfying and delicious than the last.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Anyone who’s determined can make a podcast. The medium’s exploded in the last decade, not because there’s tons of money in it; only a small percentage of producers really make any money off of them. And yet I still think you could call them a tremendous success, if you judge them simply on their variety, interactivity, and phenomenal creativity. What values are you applying to your life at the moment? Is the thinness of your wallet influencing your sensibilities? Please don’t let it. Assess things (and people) on the richness they bring to your life, not the riches.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Capricorns excel at selective deafness and deliberate ignorance. Sometimes you choose to dumb yourselves down or blind yourselves to certain things, in order to maintain the status quo. It’s not that you can’t cope with inevitable change, it’s that sometimes you’re the last ones to do so. Screw that. I’m fed up with your reputation as the intractable dinosaurs of the zodiac. The truth is you’re better equipped, resources-wise (financial, personal, and so on) than most of the rest of us to thrive in dynamic circumstances. I’ve never, ever doubted that you can. The question is: will you?

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

The scientific community, throughout the last century or two, has usually presented its findings as fact, when in fact they’re simply theories. We human beings actually don’t know much about anything, even though we sometimes act as if we’ve got it all figured out. Most people just accept what they hear without questioning it. You can’t be so generous. One of your jobs, Aquarius, is Bullshit Detector. This week, read between the lines, out loud, for the rest of us. Don’t be swayed by propaganda and unsubstantiated accusations or statements. We need the truth, and you might be the only one who can penetrate that far and share it with us.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Every Pisces I know uses coping mechanisms that ultimately make things harder on themselves. Getting wasted, to use an obvious example, might enable a grand night, but will make being productive and happy during the next day or two much harder. My advice? Take a month off from your crutches. Don’t drink, smoke, have cheap sex, or whatever it is you do to supposedly make life a little easier to bear. After 30 days without your comforts and buffers, you will know more clearly what you should add back in to make life better—and what you shouldn’t, because it does more harm than good, overall.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

The Tyrannosaurus Rex we grew up with is a myth. So might be the one some paleontologists present now, but still they believe their theories to be closer to the truth: T-Rex was probably a slow-moving scavenger, not the roaring, monstrous predator that tickles our imaginations. The Aries most people have in their brains is a myth, too. Sure, just like the supposed king of the dinosaurs, you can have your impressive moments, and you’re certainly capable of being larger than life. But you’re also a million other things. Even though those other aspects are less dramatic than most Ram stereotypes, they’re no less relevant. Unravel some astrological prejudices this week by showing off some of your less obvious facets.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Information wants to be free, they say, and sometimes it breaks out and spreads virally, like the code that lets tech-geeks copy various types of video discs. The supposed powers that be tried to censor it; consequently, it exploded all over the Interweb. Trying to cover something up or suppress it will only backfire, Libra. (Books banned by the Christian right, for example, often skyrocket up bestseller lists.) Secrets get out. You’re deluding yourself if you think yours will stay hidden forever. When information you don’t want known surfaces this week, don’t get in its way. It will just knock you down and continue on, stronger.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin recently decided to host a couple women-only viewings of Wonder Woman. These two showings (out of many) created a ridiculous backlash among small-minded, petty, entitled guys who resented that they were being excluded from just two showings of the movie. Their privileged mindsets, which couldn’t accept being left out of anything, became the object of righteous ridicule all over the Internet, but also demonstrated the bubble that men live in in this country (and all over the world, really) and their obliviousness that there are many things non-white, non-straight non-male people are left out of in this world. This week, if you are part of the privileged, be understanding that those who aren’t in your lucky shoes sometimes need a space of their own. And if you’re not a white straight dude, seek out spaces that are there to celebrate who you are.

Gemini Pixabay file image

By Caeriel Crestin

For Weekender

To contact Caeriel, send mail to [email protected]

To contact Caeriel, send mail to [email protected]