Langan brothers rock wrestling show
First Posted: 6/10/2013
In memory of the late “Macho Man” Randy Savage, New Visions Studio & Gallery started the annual Wrestle & Rock concert three years ago, allowing local bands to combine their love of music with classic wrestling in a fun and over-the-top away.
This year, the musical “bout” pits brother against brother – Brian and Connor Langan of Langor and Crock Pot Abduction, respectively. In the style of those ridiculous WWE backstage interviews, The Weekender asked Langor “Slayer of Thoughts” and Connor “The Hulk” Langan how they plan to take home the championship belt, so we present to you their answers, tongue planted firmly in cheek.
THE WEEKENDER: How does a band get to this point, reaching the Wrestle & Rock championship?
BRIAN LANGAN: Sheer power, sheer force, sheer glory, sheer valor, sheer ops, sheer fierce, sheer truama, sheer drama, sheer scissors, sheer itemry, sheer intent, sheer willpower, sheer party, sheer leggings, sheer glitterdom, sheer knowledge – it is the “QUEST” in “Question” that fuels this vessel!
CONNOR LANGAN: Well, it takes practice, the kind of practice that works a man to his bones, a moment in a band’s lifetime that takes years of hard work and songwriting. It takes dedication and the desire to become the next Wrestle & Rock Champion.
W: What are your signature moves?
CL: The Bass Drop, the Flying Guitar Shot, and the Drumset Whip.
BL: The “Catacomb Kraken:” it’s a combination of a kegsweep, funhouse kick, and blokehold ending in the opponent tearing himself limb from limb like a sorority girl ripping into a McChicken at 4 a.m.
W: What does this concert, and this match, mean to you personally?
CL: Well, Rich, this match means everything to me. Not only is this match for the New Visions Title, it is my birthday. I will be turning 19, and there is no better way I could celebrate it than playing a show and challenging my brother. I take it as a step towards becoming an even bigger man.
BL: I take nothing personally; it is the ego that slows the panther, the blade that stalls the steed.
W: How do you plan to win this match?
BL: I never plan victory, I become victory!
CL: I plan to win this match with the help of my brothers joining me in Crock Pot Abduction that night. It’s going to be a five-piece wave of unstoppable power. Joining me will be “The Trash Man,” “Pjesus,” “Dingo Man,” and a special appearance of “Magic Mike.” If Langor wants to fight dirty, then he and his ragtag team of misfits will never win.
W: You two are brothers. Why this grudge match? How did it come down to this?
CL: Langor and I were always the best of brothers; I looked up to him more than anyone. All I wanted to do was play in a band just like him. It was no secret, however, that our fued is a fire that’s been burning stronger and stronger since I was born. I was always living in his shadow; I would never be as good as he was. My brother always knew that one day I’d be a threat to his Champion Title.
When Crock Pot Abduction formed in 2010, Langor was terrified of us stealing his Title. He felt very threatened just by my existence. He was so scared that a year later he ran all the way to Philadelphia. He’s been cowering in fear of us ever since. As he grew weaker, me and the boys from Crock Pot Abduction grew stronger. The feud came to a head at the 2012 Band O’Palooza; we slaughtered Langor by all means. More than a year later, it’s come to this, the fight for the Wrestle & Rock Championship, a chance to finally display who the best brother really is.
BL: He claims to use the original Langan Island Texas Wiener Sauce recipe, when all of the Maker’s universe knows it is I that harbor the original recipe. That and he let my nephew lose my copy of “Beautiful Katamari” for Shreks-box 360.
W: You both play in very popular bands. Which band is better and why?
CL: Crock Pot Abduction is clearly the better band. Langor has been going downhill since 2011. Langor and his crew were on top of the world a few years ago, but they grew stale and it all came crashing down. They were too busy hotdogging to see their time was up. Crock Pot Abduction gets the crowd more involved; we let them have fun, and we break any wall that would come between us and the fans. We try to play shows at least once a month. When’s the last time Langor played a show? I can’t remember, Rich. Langor may think that he’s better just because he opened a show for The Darkness, but I promise you that CPA puts on a way better act than that wannabe Langor ever could.
BL: Langor does not hide behind youth and a gate of guitars; we waltz directly into the fray, chalices held high.
W: Which band receives more attention from the ladies?
BL: A true Questorian doesn’t spill his tales of passion.
CL: Langor probably receives more attention from the ladies, but he’s got to understand it’s not all about the ladies. It’s about all the musical maniacs out there that care about the music and are about having fun. Langor may get more attention from “the ladies,” but we get attention from all the maniacs out there who love coming out to local shows and going crazy.
W: If you could tell your opponent one thing right now, what would you say?
CL: If I could tell that coward one thing right now it’d be that he’s just a pinfall waiting to happen, that I’m going to make him eat the turnbuckle so hard that he’s going to go crying back to our momma!
BL: Honour thy elder sages, it is they who forged us, those who soothsaid us. We Langans are battle-bred; we must kneel to our true makers, Janet Daughter of Millicent of Charles and Patrick, Son of Pauline of Gerald.
W: What would you like to say to your fans who will be supporting you at this event?
BL: Chug hard, take it to the heap, and never look back.
CL: To all of the musical maniacs coming out to this show, I’d like to say that this is going to be the best CPA show they’ve ever attended. The moves they’ll witness by all five of us will make their heads explode. I’d like to tell our fans to go crazier than they ever have at a CPA show. They are going to witness one of the most legendary lineups this side of the Milky Way.
W: No matter how this match goes down, is there any hope for reconciliation and good sportsmanship in the end?
BL: There is always room for peace in the hearts of men. Peace must be true, peace must be innocent, peace must be blind yet see all. Peace must find you at your darkest second. Peace friggin’ rules.
CL: I always am respectful and full of good sportsmanship; I hope that Langor would as well. No matter what, Rich, Langor and I will always be brothers.
W: How do you hope to honor Macho Man’s memory at the show?
BL: By giving him the official fallen warrior’s offering: a capacity crowd.
CL: I will honor Macho Man by putting on the best show I have ever played. I will play with so much energy that the building will shake. I will do everything in my power to make this the best show I could ever play.
W: Is there anything else you’d like to add?
BL: Yes, a side of chipotle barbeque sauce.
CL: There’s only one thing I’d like to add, Rich. I hope everyone has a good time, and I hope to see all the musical maniacs out there dressed up in wrestling costumes supporting local music. So train, say your prayers, and eat your vitamins! Be true to yourself, true to your country, be a real American!