By Caeriel Crestin - For Weekender

Sign language: What do the stars have in line for you this week?

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Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You’re actually quite a level-headed sort. Sure, you can get caught up in the nauseating whirlwind of your own oft-contradictory thoughts, and have trouble making up your mind, but when presented with similarly confusing and confounding external stimulus, that supposed “weakness” becomes a strength; you can respond serenely to large numbers of vociferous demands on your attention, energy, and even affection, because it’s nothing compared to the blinding weather inside your own head. This week will give you a chance to showcase that talent, impressing someone who may have been less-than-impressed by you in the past. Don’t miss it.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You can probably forget being the best at anything. Chances are there’s someone out there willing to devote such obsessive amounts of time and energy to your interest that you could never sanely compete. Work on finding new standards to measure yourself against. Accept that you’ll probably never be the best at any one thing without sacrificing virtually everything else. That’s so not your style; if anyone’s into having their cake and eating it too, it’s you. Let go of that whole concept. Instead, focus on being really, really good at several things you love. That’ll open enough doors to keep your life interesting, and then some.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Access to information and communication is an integral part of a free society; when it’s restricted in any way—by laws or economic factors, for example—the very premise of freedom is endangered. This plays out on a grand scale—denying people uncensored access to the Internet, for example—but also on a personal scale. Depriving anyone of the truth, for any reason, is quite simply not in your best interest, and something you’ll regret later—especially if you did it for some arbitrary reason, like their age. Erase “You’re too young to know,” and its ilk from your list of viable denials. That’s not your style. Pretending it is will only make you (and everyone) miserable, and dumb.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Pisceans may excel at truly non-linear thought, but you’re almost as good in that regard. The routes you pursue to similar destinations are totally different; while they’re making half-blind, intuitive leaps, you’re following hidden connections invisible to other people. Nevertheless you can work amazingly well together (sometimes by reverse-engineering each other’s ideas and thought processes). If you’re on the hunt for the perfect partner for your maddest schemes, start by checking out the Pisceans in your life (or recruiting a new one). They may confound and bewilder you, but they’re likely to bring out the best in you, too.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

It’s astonishing how some of the most educated people (and most of the least) seem to completely lack the ability to truly think. Analytical thought, the kind that allows you read between the lines, penetrate smokescreens and mirrors, and perceive layers beyond what’s being presented, is a rare and valued talent. You happen to be good at it, most of the time, when you don’t let your emotions cloud your vision too much. The problem is you haven’t been practicing it much lately. You can’t afford to slack off like that. After all, you’ve got to compensate for all the ignorant oafs who can’t be bothered to question what they’re told. This week, turn your Superman vision back on and start blasting through walls and lies. Someone should.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Your mind is a river, and you’ve spent far too much time and energy lately attempting to row upstream. While I appreciate and applaud your efforts to at least steer the ship of your thoughts in those changing currents, you’re trying too hard. Let’s face it—you’ll never be as driven and focused as an Aries or a Virgo. Their strategies won’t work for you. Part of your process involves incorporating tangents and detours, while remembering your ultimate goal. When those kinds of distractions beckon this week, don’t ignore them. (You can’t.) Instead, indulge them, briefly. When it’s time to get back to your real goal, you’ll know. That’s when the current will finally flow in the direction you intend. Hop back in your boat and paddle like mad.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

This week, shed some outdated habits of mind. Let’s say you figured out ten years ago that you don’t like cauliflower, to use a rather mundane example, and so you never bothered revisiting that idea. If you did, you might discover that your relationship to that vegetable has changed entirely. Of course, many or even most of the things you figured out in past chapters will still hold true today—but not all of them. The only way you can figure out which ideas about yourself have changed (in other words which doors are open to you now that weren’t before) is to test all of them, again.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Don’t slide from hard-nosed realism into irredeemable pessimism, Taurus. I like that you’re slightly cynical, and don’t waste tons of time on fanciful daydreams that’ll never come true, or belaboring “what might have been.” However, you’re currently teetering on the brink of becoming such a hardcore pessimist that you might have trouble ever being truly happy again, or, worse, allowing those around you to be happy. Don’t become a chronic balloon-popper. Start by leaving at least a few of your hopes afloat. Sure, many of your recent dreams have crashed and burned. What you don’t know is that no one else is shooting them down; it’s been you, all along. That, my dear, is a terrible and depressing habit. Please quit.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

This is a week of screw-ups and obstacles, the kind that has become all too familiar as of late. As usual, that means you’re going to have to roll with numerous mistakes and glitches you can do nothing about. Don’t get frustrated. While your power to mitigate or eliminate the hazards and obstacles you’re presented with this week is limited or nonexistent, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do. Not every problem needs to be solved. Some just need to be endured, or, if possible, enjoyed. Wielding a sense of humor, for example, can help you get through any number of otherwise stressful and confounding situations. Try it.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

A bunch of years back, a woman in Brazil gave birth to her own twin grandchildren. Her daughter was having trouble having children, so she offered to be a surrogate for her. This loving (and yes, slightly odd) gesture was probably beyond the call of motherly duty. Having said that, you’re likely to be called upon this week to deliver more than is strictly your responsibility, though probably not someone else’s babies. I hope you rise to the occasion, anyway, although you’re certainly under no obligation. However, you’ve often leaned on people often in the past, right? This, then, is your chance to make it up to them.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

For someone so popular and outgoing, you’re lonely an awful lot. Part of the problem is you may need more attention than some, but a lot of it is that you keep playing other people’s weird social games and losing. Your game is the only one worth playing, since it’s the only one you’ll probably ever excel at. Eventually, you’ll have to figure out how to make everyone else’s games fit inside yours. In the meantime, do what hardly anyone does: review your game’s rules and strategies. Make sure they’re fair and, of course, fun.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

This week, treat yourself. You Virgos are notorious about denying yourselves joy (or finding reasons to delay it). I don’t presume to know what will really float your boat these days (you take pleasure in the oddest things) but I’m not here to judge your quirky eccentricities; what I’d like to do is simply convince you to allow yourself to indulge in them. Because of this week’s astrological influences generally screwing with even your most efficient and thoughtful plans of action, it’s a good time to let your usually hyper-busy agenda slide a little in order to allow for a few random pleasures to slip in. Try it. How can you not enjoy it? That’s sort of the whole point.

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By Caeriel Crestin

For Weekender

To contact Caeriel, send mail to [email protected]

To contact Caeriel, send mail to [email protected]