By Caeriel Crestin - For Weekender

Sign language: What do the stars have in line for you this week?

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Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Of course, you get as many chances to start over as you can create, but there are certain times of year when those fresh beginnings are more likely to work out. Next week is one. Old grudges can finally be put to rest. This opportunity to begin again is good, but not necessarily lengthy; blink and you might miss it. So this week set yourself up well: get rid of baggage that’d hold you back or slow you down, and put yourself in a good position to make the leap to wherever you’d like to go next. Don’t miss this chance, and don’t say you weren’t warned!

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I’d wager that the vast majority of professions people end up in aren’t things they fantasized about doing in their youths. Who dreams of being a middle-management cubical inhabitant, a gravedigger, a tobacco spokesman, or any number of other less-than-glamorous and/or morally ambiguous jobs? This is not to say that we should all be miserable that we didn’t become astronauts or marine biologists or rock stars. But I’m worried: have you given up on all your childhood dreams? Perhaps there’s one that’s still actually achievable. If you aren’t already actively pursuing it, start this week.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Can you be like India? Westerners have been going to India (at first to annex and colonize, and more recently as tourists) for more than two centuries, yet it’s somehow preserved its cultural identity remarkably well. It has a way of absorbing various influences and making them indisputably Indian, while other countries’ cultures can be quickly subsumed by the cultural and economic forces wielded by Western society. I want you to be like that: take everything on, absorb everything, and make it your own. Can you be absolutely open to every last thing that comes your way, and yet not forget exactly who you are? This week, try.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Make awkward tension a new acquired taste. Why not? It’s a frequent part of your week. While it may be more comfortable to simply avoid the people with whom you create those nervous sparks, sometimes that’s just not possible. Don’t just grit your teeth and get through these encounters, though. Go one step further: learn to enjoy them. Look at the situation from the outside. There’s probably humor (and possibly pathos) in it. Once you can see that, you might delight in those awkward encounters, and even look forward to them. Of course, don’t enjoy them too much, or they might cease to be awkward at all.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

According to The Church of Google (, Google is God or the closest thing to it. Googlists contend “She” is practically omniscient, omnipresent, immortal, infinite, and prayer-answering, among other things. While on the surface their contention is preposterous, I’m impressed by their ability to see things in a new way, and by their surprisingly reasonable arguments, which make Google’s status as God easier to prove than any other God’s. Turn whatever you’re obsessing about on its head this week. Toss it around until it looks like something totally different. You’re not likely to invent a new god, but you could be lucky enough to found a new minor cult.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You’re commonly regarded as the most changeable of signs. Wrong. That’s an illusion. While there’s no question that you often suck at making up your mind, and you’re prone to second-guess virtually everything you ever do, those are all superficial traits. Beneath that ever-shifting surface, you’re actually extremely unlikely to change much very quickly. Perhaps your indecisiveness makes your personal evolution very slow and careful. There’s nothing wrong with that; in fact, it’s likely to give this week’s special guests comfort: That makes you someone they can count on. Pull aside the curtain of your wishy-washy outer persona and reveal the solid and dependable person beneath it. Most folks will like what they see.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Stepping up and taking any kind of leadership role frequently puts a target on your back. People who were too chickenshit to take charge are often only too eager to criticize what you’re up to, and tear down whatever you’re trying to achieve, behind your back or in your face. That, my dear, is the price you’ve got to pay for having the guts to proudly advocate what you believe in. Don’t bitch and moan about it. Those people are too lame to matter much in the end; while most critiques ought to be at least considered, don’t let theirs drag you down or keep you from doing what you always intended to do.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You’re going to need an especially astute eye this week, when it comes to judging people. Everyone has their filters and their baggage. Right now it’s especially important to remember that, and put whatever they’re saying into that context. If a generally unhappy person is complaining about something, you might be able to take that into account; they’re not likely to ever be happy, no matter what you do. That’s not to say you should ignore them, but a complaint from someone you know to be levelheaded, reasonable and positive ought to naturally be given a lot more weight and credence, don’t you think? You don’t necessarily like to judge people, but you’re good at it, and this week—it’s your job.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

There are so many things you enjoy. The problem is there’s simply not enough time in the day for you to really get into all of them. Some are just going to have to fall by the wayside. How do you decide? Lately it’s been more random chance and opportunity than anything else, but this week’s a good one to make your decisions at least slightly more conscious. What makes you happiest? What’s most likely to advance your dreams? What will bring the most joy, inspiration, and excitement to the most people, including yourself? Don’t let random fate steer you. Steer yourself.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Although you’re ready to offer your support and allegiance to one side or another of a conflict, you may be shocked and dismayed to find that they’re just not interested. In terms of this conflict, you don’t matter, and what’s more—your involvement is simply unwelcome. In other words, butt out, and don’t make a big drama about it. They’re not you. While you might appreciate the love and support offered by your friends, these guys would rather just work this out on their own, without their well-meaning friends nosing in on the action. Bite your tongue, turn the other cheek, and get on with your life.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

What you wouldn’t give for a personal assistant! Then you could focus on the big ideas that excite you and let them take care of all the little shit you despise wasting time and energy on. Dream on. Until you’re rich enough to hire one, you’re on your own, which means you’ve got to divide your time between the bold fantasies you adore and the mundane details which keep your life from falling apart. Many Leos err on the side of too much dreaming and too little doing, and get so bogged down in neglected details that their dreams become even less achievable. Don’t be one of those. This week’s a good one to take steps—both big dramatic ones and careful tiny ones—towards becoming one of those impressive, accomplished Leos who can afford to hire help. Don’t let the week go by without taking them.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Leos may avoid nitpicky details like the plague. You embrace them. You may not love it, but you’re damn good at it. What worries me is your diminishing view of the big picture. Leos never lose sight of their grandiose hopes and dreams, but they forget to do stuff like wash dishes and buy people birthday presents. You have the opposite problem: you’re so busy tying up loose ends that you lose sight of your biggest and best aspirations. This week, tear down the virtual wallpaper of To-Do lists obscuring your view of those brilliant fantasies; at least a glimpse of them is long overdue.

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By Caeriel Crestin

For Weekender

To contact Caeriel, send mail to [email protected]

To contact Caeriel, send mail to [email protected]