By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

Sign language: What do the stars have in line for you?

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    Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

    You suck at making decisions to a timetable. So what? When you’re left to your own devices, this isn’t a problem. It’s only when you’re required to conform to somebody else’s schedule that you run into trouble. As hard as you try, you sometimes encounter an unavoidable, seemingly impossible deadline. Every Pisces needs a strategy for dealing with these situations effectively. I know some who simply flip a coin (a few times) and abide by whatever the result is, despite their own misgivings. They’ve recognized that they’d have misgivings—or at least mixed feelings—either way. What’s your tactic? Don’t have one? Work on that, this week.

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    Many Rams have trouble seeing long-term (and occasionally even short-term) projects through to fruition. They feel compelled to sample many different experiences, and move on to new ones quickly. This is absolutely fine—as long as it doesn’t become a lifelong habit. Members of your tribe are usually very successful, once they’ve learned to rein in that intense (but ever-shifting) focus. The ones who learn to stay excited long after the honeymoon glow has faded are the ones who get rich, married, and famous. The ones who don’t—well they don’t get much of anywhere.

    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    Taureans rarely seek the easy way out. You don’t often shrink from unpleasant realities, or hesitate to work your way out of a hole. That’s why when there’s a simple route to success, absolution, or happiness, you don’t trust it—frequently you don’t even notice it! Of course, there’s no such thing as a free ride, so I don’t expect you to fall for any of the sucker trips that nail some of the more naïve signs. However, keep your eyes peeled for a realistic shortcut this week, because one is very likely to present itself. I know I’m fond of reminding people that the journey is more important than the destination, and I still stand by that. But I also believe that a good journey isn’t necessarily the one that takes the longest way around.

    Gemini (May 21-June 20)

    You’re gorgeous, darling. You’ve been lovely all along—only this week people are more likely to actually notice. That ought to feel good after feeling more or less invisible the last few months. Don’t let it go to your head, though; part of the reason people are looking at you with a new eye is because of the kind of humility or modesty you’ve acquired during this last chapter. Don’t start showing off now. Quiet confidence is the way. Go ahead and bask in this overdue spotlight of attention, but please resist the urge to perform in it.

    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    The convoluted, exhausting hoops you make others jump through are nothing compared to the obstacle courses you make yourself suffer. Why do you do this to us and to yourself? Your eagerness to leap to concrete conclusions based on a broad spectrum of ever-shifting emotions only makes life more unpleasant for you and everyone. “Because of this and that and this, it means they don’t love me.” Shit like that, whether it’s “true” or not (and it’s probably not), isn’t the least bit helpful and only makes it more likely that you’ll manifest the scenario that you dread. Please keep that in mind this week. Take things at face value—without imbuing them with hidden meanings—or don’t take them at all.

    Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

    You really can’t keep a good Leo down. Now that you’re free of the dampening influences of some of those who were holding you back (mostly without meaning to, to be fair), you can go ahead and thrive in ways you haven’t been able to in many months (or, in some cases, years). Concentrate on rediscovering the parts of yourself that you’d nearly forgotten about, and certainly haven’t—in recent memory—expressed. Remember what’s great about you? I’ll give you a hint. One of the things I admire about Leos is their bold, unabashed, honest (yet kind) directness. You used to say shit most other signs just don’t have the guts to say. Isn’t it time you started again?

    Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

    When I encounter someone who’s gung-ho to tear astrology a new bumhole with their well-honed skepticism, I pop their philosophical hard-on by cheerfully agreeing it’s all bullshit. When I meet someone more open-minded, however, I’m usually happy to indulge their curiosity and even share whatever advice or guidance I can come up with. I know you tend to trust your own instincts over others’ insights, but this week I suggest you sheathe your cynicism; it’s not currently doing you any good. You need someone who’s objective to help you with this one—preferably a stranger. If you ask nicely, they might give you the advice and guidance you need.

    Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

    You’ve been feeling as out of place lately as a fashionista trying to buy an outfit in an auto parts store. You’ve had plenty of resources, but nothing to spend them on. Luckily, this week you should find yourself more in your familiar element. That doesn’t mean you should go on a spending spree, though. Sure, treat yo’self. But don’t go crazy. There are plenty of rainy days ahead, so keep something aside so you’re able to get yourself a new umbrella when they hit.

    Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

    If you give a dog treats all the time, they cease to be treats, really. They come to expect them, and they’re suddenly more likely to be a source of disappointment (when they don’t get one) than pleasure. That’s not to say they doesn’t enjoy them every time you offer one, but they’re no longer quite so special. You see where I’m going with this, right? This is not, of course, a reason to start withholding (from yourself or anyone) the basic pleasures of your existence. But choose at least one special thing that you’ll strive to keep that way, and not ruin with overindulgence.

    Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

    Yeah, you could just wipe your hands of the whole thing and walk away. It doesn’t technically have anything to do with you, after all. But it’s happening in your neighborhood, so to speak. Most of the time, you’re right—you’d be better off leaving well enough alone. But in this case you actually have the power to do something about a situation—if not make it right, at least improve it. I confess, I buy into that whole “with power comes responsibility” thing, so if I were in your shoes, I’d feel some kind of obligation to try. Don’t you?

    Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

    It’s not that there aren’t many layers to you; it’s that you’ve got them so well compartmentalized and under control—each one emerges when it’s appropriate—that most people think of you as an incredibly consistent, excessively-focused, and slightly boring person. They don’t get to see all the other sides of you—except maybe this week, when it might be in your best interest to allow some cracks, at least, to appear in the façade. Hell, while you’re at it, just rip off your business suit, stripper-style, and show off what you’ve got underneath. I mean, if you’re going to do it, why not do it with some kind of flair?

    Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

    Life should start to feel significantly lusher this week. That’s a good thing after the kind of bare bones winter you’ve had. Enjoy your suddenly much more rich-feeling surroundings this week, but please don’t overindulge. All that abundance after the Spartan existence of your most recent chapter could make you sick. And the last thing you want is to be miserable because your life has gotten better. So go ahead and enjoy the improvements that have come your way—but go slow. Savor them slowly—and make them (and your enjoyment of them) last that much longer.

    By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

    To contact Caeriel send mail to

    To contact Caeriel send mail to