By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

Sign language: What do the stars have in line for you?

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Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

For good or ill, Libras often see things in terms of personal gain. It’s that whole scale thing; you’re constantly weighing, evaluating, and judging. This is how you’ve gotten a reputation as shallow social climbers, who only act out of pure self-interest. I know that’s not truly accurate, of course; just because you can’t help seeing things in that light doesn’t mean you always have to act on that basis. Does it? Prove your naysayers wrong this week (if only just for yourself ) by doing lots of good that you won’t get anything for—not even credit.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Some people are incredibly eager to always leap onto the next big thing; they buy the newest, coolest gadgets as soon as they can afford them, watch the hip shows, wear trendy clothing, and so on. These people are almost never Scorpios. It’s not that you’re traditionalists or sticks-in-the-mud. It’s just that you can’t be bothered with that shit until it comes more naturally into your life. If it turns out a TV show is really good and you missed out, you’ll find a way to catch up on it. And you look good in any old clothing without hardly trying (most people just want to tear it off, anyway). Lately you’re more inclined to act more like the rest of us, but I wish you wouldn’t. Just stay cool. Don’t get swept up in any crazes that sweep past you this week. Not a one of them is worth it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

If you’re eligible for an award, you’re liable to win one this week. If not, it’s quite likely you’re going to get some kind of recognition for who you are and the way you do things. Enjoy the well-deserved accolades, but beware of them as well. There’s nothing more likely to constipate your evolutionary process more than praise. In other words, don’t let that crap go to your head or convince you you’ve got your shit together. The second you decide you’re on top of your game is when you’ll get run right over by it. Enjoy the rave reviews, by all means—but then get right back to work.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Admit it, you’ve been having more of an urge to be social and go out. Why have you dug your heels in so much and resisted it so adamantly? I know you tend to distrust these impulses, as they distract from your true priorities, but they’re not as dangerous as you think. They’re just your poor driven soul trying to create some balance in your life. I know you’re putting off fun now so you can have more later, but you’ve got to practice having fun all along the way, or you won’t know how to manage when you finally give yourself the freedom to really enjoy your life. Get out there and party a little this week. Consider it an investment in your happy future.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Why not walk around pretending you have superpowers? Or a billion dollars that you’re just waiting until the right moment to use? I’m a big fan of people reinventing their realities to make them more interesting, and you are especially good at it. The trick is letting it be a game and not cross the line into self-delusion. If you play the game right, your world becomes vastly more interesting (for everyone), you get to be more dynamic and explore a wider range of possible selves, and magic can actually happen. Guess what else? This week, it’s not just fun, it’s also, strangely, a route to changing your life for real.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Recently I told you to focus on the little things, and I’m glad I did. It’s amazing what a tremendous effect the smallest detail can have on you sensitive Fish. I’ve seen you fundamentally swayed by a gentle autumn breeze, a wink from a stranger, or a snippet of a song heard in passing. One of the problems with being so sensitive is that you can take pleasure in such gorgeous tiny moments, but you’re also saddened that so many around you cannot. Make remedying this incongruity this week’s task. If you can teach just one person—or better yet, three or four—how to experience rapture from the color of an autumn leaf (or something similar), you’ll have done your job.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

I could write anything in this space at the moment. I doubt you’ll even have time to read this shit, because around this time of year, you generally go nuts, and you’re so all over the place that there’s truly no predicting what you’ll do or what kind of trouble you’ll get into. So I have nothing really to add, except have a blast—as I’m sure you will—and try not to make too much of a mess that you’ll have to clean up later. And don’t forget to practice your time-tested philosophy at every turn: the more, the merrier.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You get it: you have different kinds of connections with different people, and it’s best to just let the connection be what it is rather than impose something else on it. For instance, I rarely have great sex with Taureans—we just don’t click that way—but we generally have a huge mutual respect for each other and no major personality conflicts. We’re cut out to have easygoing friendships, not romances. Unfortunately someone in your life hasn’t figured out this lesson yet, and they’re pushing too hard in all the wrong directions. Gently steer them in the right direction, would you? I can’t bear to watch yet another of their train wrecks.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Slow down, slow down. I know how you love fast things. You dig fast cars (or better yet, motorcycles), fast Internet connections and loads of other fast things; even quickies hold a special allure for you on occasion. You know it can be dangerous moving at your favorite speeds—that’s part of the appeal. But if you know ahead of time that if you pass the speed limit (let alone double it, as you’re fond of attempting), you will definitely careen off the road, then you might be more inclined to keep your speedster tendencies in check. Don’t rush things. In fact, since the roads are so slippery at the moment (and of course I’m not talking about actual driving), it’d be a good idea to stay well under the speed limit.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Although you’ve undoubtedly had some wild moments in your life, and taken tremendous risks, you haven’t really done so lately. Your recent life has been a lot tamer and more cautious than some of your previous chapters. Your biggest adventure these days is trying a new breakfast cereal. But I hope you’re not settling into some lameass old lady routine; you’re much too young to get so crotchety and set in your ways. Use this week to really bust out and get wild. Take some risks. Do some crazy shit. Prove you’re still alive, and raring for more life.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Seek your fortune. I mean it; actually look for little pockets of intensely lucky breaks this week. They’re there. I’m not talking quarters between the couch cushions; look for a billfold there instead. Okay, you probably won’t go so far as winning the lottery (although you might want to try a scratch-off or two, just in case) but it’s still nothing to turn your nose up at. In any case, this good fortune won’t fall in your lap. You’ve got to actually look for it, so start searching. For once, if you do, you’ll find it.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

If it were up to me, no one would mow their lawns. I like grass when it grows lush and tall, speckled with flowers and weeds. I don’t mind the billions of bugs who thrive in that mini-ecosystem, or the hidden piles of dog poo that a clipped lawn would expose. But of course someone decided that it was much nicer to look at thick grass all cut to a uniform length, so that’s what most people do and assume is better. I guess it depends on how much chaos and disorder you like in your life. You still need more. Let your metaphorical lawn grow.

By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

To contact Caeriel send mail to

To contact Caeriel send mail to