Dear Phil,
I have this friend who I enjoy spending time with. However, when we go out, he drinks too much!
He drinks to the point of being unable to speak and, essentially, function at the bar.
I don’t like being with him when he’s like that. I don’t want to cause a fight, but I don’t want to go out with him anymore if drinking will be involved.
What do I do?
Sober Sally
Dear Sally,
Thanks for reaching out.
I feel like we all have “that” friend. In fact, some of us have been that friend at one time or another. I know I have.
I was at my friend’s wedding once, and I had a few too many cranberry vodkas and ended up throwing up in a few of the urinals in the men’s bathroom. Yes. A few.
I felt absolutely horrible and was extremely embarrassed the next morning. But there’s a point to this story.
It’s important to remember that most people are exactly that the next day — extremely embarrassed and often very regretful. And usually they have no idea they drank themselves to a point of no return for the night. I know I didn’t.
So remember, before it gets to the point of no return between you and your friend, they’ll likely regret their actions tomorrow. Just keep that in mind.
As far as a way to combat this problem at the bar, well, you could befriend one of the bartenders and tell them your situation.
The last thing a bartender wants at their bar is a belligerent drunk causing problems. Suggest drinking mixed drinks, and after a couple, start alternating pure chasers with the mixed drinks.
You could also stick to straight beer without touching hard alcohol. It’s much more difficult to get drunk in public when you’re only drinking beer. Or at least that’s the case for me.
And if you think about pre-gaming before you go to the bar, stop. Considering your situation, the last thing you want for your friend is to go to the bar already drunk or with a buzz. Once you get to the bar, it’ll be game over.
But last, and probably most importantly, consider just sitting your friend down one afternoon over lunch or coffee and talking to him. Tell him the problems he’s causing while he’s drunk. There’s a chance he has no idea.
The most important aspect in any friendship or relationship is communication. If I knew that I was about to lose a friend because of my actions while out drinking, I’d probably reconsider how I carried myself.
I hope this helps!
As always,
Phil
