Dear Phil,
I have been struggling with how to say “no” to things.
I love to have a full social life, but sometimes I find that I am doing things that I just don’t want to do. I always fear missing out on the next great experience and also hurting the person/people that have invited me. I don’t mean that I don’t ever want to do anything, but I also think I need to schedule some downtime for myself and the things that I need to get done.
How do I learn to say “no” and put myself first, while not offending those that are sending out the invites?
Sincerely,
All Dressed Up But I Don’t Want To Go
Dear Dressed,
Thanks for reaching out. I have to say, I can definitely relate. Actually, I think most of us can relate to or have experienced the fear of missing out.
We’ve all seen — at least I’d like to think we’ve all seen — that Sonic commercial where Peter states that he “would have a bad case of FOMO” if he were to miss out on Sonic’s Chili Cheese Coney.
We’ve all been there, right?
There’s only so much time in the day, and for most of us, our free time is limited because work or school takes up most of our lives. So with that little free time in the day, we feel the need to make good use of it and load it with activities. Whether it’s going to trivia night or happy hour with friends, date night with your significant other, going to see your favorite band in concert or maybe just catching a movie with your brother and his girlfriend — I may or may not be speaking from experience on that last one — it’s natural to feel the need to keep yourself busy.
Or is it?
I pose this question: What’s wrong with taking the occasional nap? Or staying in and playing “Fortnite” with your friends. There’s even Netflix — or Hulu — and chill.
In my opinion, which is probably what you were looking for when you sent this question to me in the first place, naps are key in life. Honestly, I try to take at least one every day. Though I will admit that I don’t work the usual 9-to-5 shift. It’s often 3 or 4 p.m. to midnight or 1 a.m. So sometimes it’s almost a necessity.
As far as playing “Fortnite” or some other video game with your friends, this allows you the ability to stay in the comfort of your own home while still being in contact with your friends. It’s a win-win.
Then, there’s Netflix and chill. Look, there’s nothing wrong with binging “Gotham” for an entire weekend, right? No, I’m asking for a friend.
At the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you. Even if that means you don’t go and take advantage of happy hour or 5-cent wing night every Tuesday at your local bar.
Your friends will understand. And if they don’t, maybe it’s time to find a new set of friends. But I don’t think you’ll run into that problem.
Dressed, I hope this helps.
Until next time,
Phil
