Advice from Melissa: I want my boyfriend to ask my for my father’s blessing
I’ve been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for almost five years. He is definitely the one, and he feels the same way about me. The topic of marriage has been heating up lately and we are ready to take the next step. The only problem is that I’m very old fashioned and I want him to ask my dad for permission before proposing. But he is very against the idea. My boyfriend has a good relationship with my family, but I’m afraid not asking permission will sour that. How do I get him to see my point and ask my dad before asking me?
Dear nervously waiting,
Congrats on finding the one! You’ve been together a while and are ready to take the next step. On the bright side, your problem is a good one to have, relatively speaking. You want me to tell you how to get him to see your point, but I’m going to challenge you to first see his. Why is he against it?
Maybe he values your independence and doesn’t believe he should need anyone’s permission except yours. Or maybe he’s just uncomfortable having that kind of talk. If he has a good relationship with your family, proposing shouldn’t ruin that, especially if they see how happy you are.
In my specific case, I am very close to my family, and I can absolutely see and relate to your side. It is super important to me that my guy has the talk with my family first. It is not like I am asking him to trade me for 30 acres and a goat; it’s just a respect thing: respect for my family’s relationship with me, respect for the fact that I am a daddy’s girl to the core, and respect for the future of our relationship.
A good compromise could be for the two of you to have a casual conversation about marriage with your parents so that they know it could be coming soon and aren’t hurt that they didn’t have any idea. Just remember that by agreeing to marry your boyfriend, you are choosing to start a new family and make him the most important person in your life. Hopefully, he can take into consideration how you feel on the matter and that you want to start the relationship off the right way too. There has to be some way to meet in the middle of both of your values. Good luck!
Girl Talk began in 2012 as a telltale horror story of the city’s most epic dating disasters and has evolved into a column about love, life experiences and growing up. Melissa also has a weekly Girl Talk TV segment on PA Live, WBRE, and a radio segment every Wednesday on 98.5 KRZ.