Girl Talk: Being open and upfront goes a long way in healthy relationships
On behalf of women everywhere, I would like to be the first to stand up and freely admit that when it comes to communication, we are complicated creatures.
We hide thoughts and emotions and stick an “I’m fine” band-aid on them until it falls off and reveals the real festering wound below. So guys, when your partner says “I’m fine”, you had better dig deeper or ask her to “manslate” that for you. Nine times out of 10, she is absolutely not fine.
What is manslating?
It is the decoder ring on every relationship that reminds you to drink your Ovaltine and buy your girl some flowers.
While every girl is different, we all give hidden signals as to what is really going on. Whether it is a passive aggressive comment, a heavy sigh or a story she tells you about a friend of a friend who felt a certain way, a successful relationship happens when you get to know your partner well enough to pick up on the cues and figure out what she is really trying to communicate.
Why do we do it?
Wouldn’t it just be easier to say what we really think and feel?
Yes, but often we want our partners to know what we want without having to say it. Sometimes we just don’t have the words and it’s a mind game of “how well does he really know me.”
Like the mystery of the Sphinx, you are supposed to follow the signs and draw your own conclusions in hope that you come to the right answer.
Communication within a relationship is often like playing an adult version of “Blues Clues” with less singing. You follow the clues and figure out in the end what she wanted all along. Ironically, I do believe Blue was a girl; Nickelodeon has been preparing us subconsciously since we were children about the inner workings of an adult relationship.Who knew?.
I can say for certain after five years of writing this column and advising couples on how to work through love’s many twists and turns, that having to manslate a conversation has caused nothing but stress on relationships.
Whether it is something as simple as choosing a restaurant for dinner, or something as extreme as pulling off the “I’m fine” band-aid, being straightforward and upfront in the beginning is a great way to lessen the stress in a relationship. Sometimes you just need to be blunt.
“This is why I am mad; this is what you can do to fix it; and yes, I want tacos for dinner.”
See how easy that was? You just figured out Blue’s Clues because you’re really smart!
Girl Talk began in 2012 as a telltale horror story of the city’s most epic dating disasters and has evolved into a column about love, life experiences and growing up. Melissa also has a weekly Girl Talk TV segment on PA Live and WBRE.