Movie Reviews

Highwire scene the only redeeming moment in “The Walk”

Highwire scene the only redeeming moment in “The Walk”

If for whatever reason you need to see “The Walk,”here’s my advice: Buy a ticket and then hang out in the lobby for about 80 minutes. Seriously, do not enter the theatre. Just find a box Sweetarts, play a couple rounds of that Batman video game where you scoot around in the Batmobile and, if […]

“Pan” is a bizarre compelling disaster

“Pan” is a bizarre compelling disaster

Look. I get it. “Pan” is a bad movie. That much was clear from the trailers. The easy thing to do right now would be to jump on top of the hate pile with all of the other critics and waggle my fanny all about in a sexy, celebratory manner. Because even though “Pan” may […]

‘Sicario’ dazzles the eyes but does little else

‘Sicario’ dazzles the eyes but does little else

Denis Villeneuve’s movies are the kinds of movies that critics tend to describe as “Oscar-worthy” or “the best of the year,” but they’re also the types of movies I’d guarantee those same critics never bother to watch more than once, or even with the sound on. A lion’s share of that praise is mostly due […]

‘The Martian’ evokes emotions across the board including triumph and frustration

‘The Martian’ evokes emotions across the board including triumph and frustration

I realize “The Martian” is supposed to be about the triumph of the human spirit and believing in yourself and all of those fleetingly inspirational thoughts that come from watching Matt Damon grow potatoes on Mars, but I can’t be the only one who watched “The Martian” and realized just how woefully inadequate I would […]

‘The Green Inferno’ should die a fiery death

‘The Green Inferno’ should die a fiery death

Watching “The Green Inferno” is like experiencing a 100 minute car trip with a very, opinionated, very stupid man in a bootleg “Zombi 2” T-shirt. “Man, I hate these slacktivists”, the man shouts, unprompted. “What don’t you like about them,” you ask. “They’re hypocrites,” he sputters. “In what way?” you ask. Instead of answering, the […]

Johnny Depp drops Jack Sparrow wig for Whitey Bulger bald cap, results are ehhh in ‘Black Mass’

Johnny Depp drops Jack Sparrow wig for Whitey Bulger bald cap, results are ehhh in ‘Black Mass’

“Black Mass” exists mostly because Johnny Depp wants to remind us he’s an actor. “Black Mass” is his way of saying, “Hey! I’m more than just some kinder-goth totem silkscreened on the back of a Hot Topic hoodie in 2009! I’m a thespian!” And he’s not wrong. Johnny Depp is a thespian, or was at […]

All guests welcome at Shyamalan’s ‘The Visit’

All guests welcome at Shyamalan’s ‘The Visit’

Nobody wants to kick a man when he’s down, but sometimes that’s the only way to ensure he’ll never get up again. “The Visit’s” existence proves we haven’t been kicking M. Night Shyamalan hard enough. We got too complacent. We should have poked him with a stick and checked to see if he was still […]

Transporter series has new lead actor and it’s going something like this

Transporter series has new lead actor and it’s going something like this

Every time a new actor is cast in the role of Batman, the nerds of the world march toward their computers and with a sense of entitled rage abuse the caps button on their keyboards until their brittle, pudgy fingers are reduced to Cheetos stained nubs. But where was all of that self-righteous indignation when […]

Movie Review: Summer movie season dies with “No Escape”

Movie Review: Summer movie season dies with “No Escape”

By the time you read this, the summer movie season will be dead. It will be found on its front porch slumped over in a kiddie pool filled with partially eaten Nathan’s hot dogs. Some say it died of natural causes, but I say it died of a broken heart. People just stopped caring. Sure, […]

Movie Review: ‘Sinister 2’ the comedic sequel to a horror flick

Are ham radios scary? Ham radios aren’t scary, right? I only ask because I’ve personally never found ham radios to be scary. Maybe that’s just me. Maybe there are a few of you who would be frightened if a ham radio was very loud or its dials suddenly lit up and it took on the […]