SORRY MOM & DAD: I slept with a whale at The Woodlands

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    Justin in bed with an inflatable whale.

    Life lesson: Sometimes you have to remove yourself from a situation to see the truth in it.

    That was certainly the case when I slept with a whale over the weekend at The Woodlands. Sorry, Mom and Dad.

    When I woke up in my hotel room bed to discover a big ass whale laying next to me, I started praying to God that we didn’t have sex. Not only because my heart belongs to three pending Tinder matches, but the whale was inflatable. A pool toy, to be exact.

    I knew I had to remove myself from the situation to figure out what the hell was going on.

    I jumped out of bed and started recapping what went down the night before.

    That’s when I remembered the security guard at The Woodlands threatened to call the cops on me for leaving my ID in my hotel room; accusing me of being under 21 years old. For someone who will be 30 on their next birthday, that should be a compliment. As a grown man whose health insurance plan is eating Flinstone’s vitamins after each meal, I was kind of wishing the security guard was right; that I was 20 years old again.

    I was so upset that I was almost 30 and getting yelled at by a security guard at an underage night club — and that I was no longer 20 — that I went straight to bed and cuddled with an inflatable pool toy I brought for my weekend stay at the local family-owned resort. Side note, blow-up whales are great at cuddling. Who knew?

    Anyways, removing myself from the situation helped me realize I wasn’t a freak who screws inflatable objects. I’m just someone who likes to cuddle when I’m bummed out.

    Once I realized the inflatable whale wasn’t my new girlfriend, I stopped running away.

    The entire point for my stay at The Woodlands was to stop running away. I was there to film a promo video for the return of my online talk show.

    A few months back, I decided to remove myself from filming my show, “We the Millennials,” to see how it could be better. I needed to see if it could even be better. Instead of getting more and more hits, the show’s videos started getting less and less views.

    The shows were getting better. I was working harder. I couldn’t figure out why the show’s audience wasn’t growing. Why wasn’t I the next Jenna f — king Marbles?

    Have you ever worked hard for something and felt like maybe you gave it all you could? Have you thought it’d just be best to give up? I started to feel that way. I guess everyone feels that way.

    I re-watched old videos from the show. I noticed that although the shows were great live, they were falling flat for the online audience. I needed to resonate more with people watching the videos instead of the people sitting watching me make the videos.

    Like The Rock says: Legends don’t retire, they reinvent.

    So I gave it one last shot by filming with no audience at a barber shop that was getting a reality show on a new rising network.

    Within 24 hours, the video had over 1,800 views. Now the video has 3,500 views.

    It wasn’t exactly viral, but it was an improvement.

    I stepped away from the situation and realized the truth: My show did have the ability to grow. I just had to change the way I did things.

    This summer, I’m bringing the show back with a different atmosphere; something I know best — a party! Instead of filming for an audience, I’m filming on location at a pool party — with a DJ, drink specials and inflatable objects for cuddling, of course — from noon to 4 p.m. every Sunday starting June 28 at The Woodlands in Wilkes-Barre. The event runs for 11 weeks through Labor Day weekend — and you’re invited.

    While we’re filming segments such as Hot Topics in the Hot Tub, Kicking Ass Under 30 and Shots With…, the ultimate Sunday Funday (in my opinion) will be goin’ down for real. I’ll still be advocating for Millennials to have their voices heard. I’ll still be working at making my dreams a reality —even though I almost gave up.

    No matter what you’re thinking about giving up on, remember this: The most amazing things in life tend to happen at the moment you’re about to give up.