Thanks a lot, Mayans, for throwing everyone into a tizzy about Dec. 21.
For quite some time now, we‚??ve been hearing that that‚??s the chosen date for the world we know to cease to exist, but there are still so many unanswered questions. Will it go down in a rain of fire, massive tsunami, the coming of aliens, or disappearance into thin air? Is it going to strike us mid-day or come in the dead of night?
You can predict until you‚??re blue in the face, but there is only one thing that we know for sure will absolutely take place come Dec. 21: parties. Lots of them.
No one wants to face the end of days head-on alone, so why not gather ‚??round with your closest and throw one last, booze-fueled bash? You certainly can, and we‚??ve got some tips on how to do it.
Give out some pre-party awesome in the form of an invite that looks like a bucket so that fellow partygoers can write down their very own ‚??Bucket List‚?Ě ‚?? all the things they want to do before they die. Include a pen so that they can check off each as they go. At this point, almost nothing is off limits.
Pick a spot conducive to what you want to see when the end hits. Either hole up in a safe shelter or pick some place with a good view. High ground will ensure sight of whatever may come crashing in from above or just how high the flood waters are getting.
If neither of those things is of concern, think on the side of intimate versus extravagant. Being near to loved ones is probably done best in the comforts of home, but if going out in style with as many people as possible is preferred, get extravagant and spring for a huge, high-class venue.
Who‚??s going to send the bill for it anyway?
Cheery or gloomy? Funny or serious? There are several themes to choose from for a ‚??judgment day‚?Ě party, with the most obvious being a Mayan one.
‚??How great would it be if you walked into a party with a huge ‚??Welcome to the Jungle‚?? sign?‚?Ě Amanda Meeks, 31, of Moosic said. ‚??That‚??s where I want to be when the world ends.‚?Ě
Though they didn‚??t necessarily live in the typical tropical jungles of Brazil, their temples were surrounded by lush forests, so any type of jungle d√©cor would be key.
Perhaps delving into the religious side of things will work, via a ‚??Heaven and Hell‚?Ě party. Reserve half of the room for white, fluffy, cheery things, while the other can be drenched in blood red and brimstone.
Or, take a totally different route and go classy. After all, if people are going to find our bodies thousands of years from now, do you want them to see your remains in a skanky devil Halloween costume or a sparkly party dress and heels?
Food will be important here, as it may be what all that‚??s left to survive on just in case we all aren‚??t doomed to die right away.
What do you love? Order that, times ten.
‚??Cheesesteaks everywhere,‚?Ě Joe Malone, 28, of West Pittston envisioned. ‚??I would hire Gino‚??s in Philly to come up here and cook on the spot.‚?Ě
If you‚??re sticking with the Mayan theme, go Mexican (as many of the current people of that culture live in Mexico) and nosh on nachos, rice and beans, tacos, and chimichangas.
The most important thing is probably alcohol, as going out blissfully unaware of what‚??s happening is the least painful.
Stop stooping for the bottom shelf at the liquor store and focus on what‚??s on top ‚?? there‚??s got to be a $100 bottle of cognac somewhere begging to be consumed. If all else fails, make what will not only work quickly and efficiently, but what Meeks said would also fit the Mayan theme:
There are two ways to go with this: practical or impractical.
Practical would require those attending to dress comfortably, ready for anything. This means layers of clothing (super snowstorm), a wet suit and scuba mask (huge tidal wave), sneakers (to run like hell), or some type of body armor (to protect against zombie bites, flaming debris, or toxic rain).
Or, ditch all that and be fancy. It‚??s justified.
‚??First and foremost, I‚??d make it black tie, since there‚??ll be no reason for money,‚?Ě said ‚??homeless‚?Ě cover photo model Zach Kraynak, 26, of Exeter when asked how he‚??d throw his own apocalypse party.
You thought it was a joke when someone gifted you with a seemingly impractical ‚??Zombie Apocalypse‚?Ě kit for Christmas last year after how much you raved about ‚??The Walking Dead,‚?Ě didn‚??t you? Think again, because those supplies might come in handy.
Nobody knows what‚??s going to end up at the doorstep on the day of reckoning, so make sure to be ready for anything.
Perhaps handing out a goody bag for guests is the best way to do this, something that involves a flashlight, bottle of water, batteries ‚?? a typical supply kit. Things could get really hairy when the doomsday countdown‚??s up and people get separated, so you want them to have the best chance at survival possible.
Plus, if this really is a zombie thing, they might be more inclined to save your sorry ass when it comes down to the wire, all thanks to your thoughtfulness.
There are so many ways things could go terribly wrong come Dec. 21, so we might as well take a look at most of the possibilities and see what our best and worst case scenarios are.
‚?Ę Zombies - At this point, this may be the most favored, as zombies are currently all the rage. Grab a shotgun or something long and pointy and get to work on the decaying heads of the undead as they shuffle towards you.
‚?Ę The Rapture - Our only possible two-parter, this is of the religious realm. First, those who are to be ‚??saved‚?Ě will be simply disappear from the Earth, leaving the damned to wait for stage two, which will eventually end in terrible death before Christ comes back to stop it. If you were on Santa‚??s ‚??nice‚?Ě list this year, this is probably your choice.
‚?Ę Widespread disease - A supervirus may get out, infecting people one by one, spreading from one side of the world to the other and killing everyone off before a cure is found. It may also turn things the way of the zombie. Thumbs-up.
‚?Ę Aliens - Come on, how fun? Little green guys coming down to zoom you away in spaceships? You really can‚??t ask for anything more. Unless this involves the type of probe that befell Cartman on ‚??South Park‚?Ě ‚?? then forget it.
‚?Ę Natural disasters - We can be engulfed in flames, the Earth might shatter into a million pieces because of an Earthquake, or we could get washed away by a tsunami. This is probably the most visually terrifying, large-scale possibility. It‚??s also dead last on our preferred list of ways to go.
‚??This is the way the world ends: Not with a bang but a whimper.‚?Ě
Could be true, might not be. While that line from T.S. Eliot‚??s ‚??Hollow Men‚?Ě poem paints quite a picture, no one is really sure just how this ‚??end of days‚?Ě thing is going to go down. It could be loud and messy with fires and floods consuming the planet, or it could be a quick and simple flash, then nothingness.
Either way, you might as well go out party rocking to some appropriate tunes. We asked some readers and local musicians what would be on their apocalypse playlist:
‚?Ę ‚??Hold On‚?Ě by Wilson Phillips - Sara Mazzitelli, 28, West Wyoming
‚?Ę ‚??Don‚??t Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)‚?Ě by Fleetwood Mac, ‚??Heaven (Isn‚??t Too Far Away)‚?Ě by Warrant - Jane Train of M80
‚?Ę ‚??Who Let the Dogs Out?‚?Ě by Baha Men - Will Steinruck, Luzerne
‚?Ę ‚??Break Stuff‚?Ě by Limp Bizkit, ‚??Triumph‚?Ě by Wu-Tang Clan - Hostile Hersh, DJ
‚?Ę ‚??If I Could Turn Back Time‚?Ě by Cher - Amanda Yurek, 25, Wyoming
‚?Ę ‚??Die Young‚?Ě by Ke$ha, ‚??Break On Through (To the Other Side)‚?Ě by The Doors - Donny Lombardo of Sunset Villains
‚?Ę ‚??Aenima‚?Ě by Tool - Matt Mang of The Great Party
You should probably put some thought into who to spend your last hours with‚?Ľ or, you know, you can come party with us.
The Weekender is partaking in an End of the World Party that‚??s going to go on in not one, but three, spots: Hardware Bar, Susquehanna Ale House, and O‚??Sullivan‚??s Pub, all on South Main Street in Wilkes-Barre.
O‚??Sullivan‚??s, formerly Mulligan‚??s, will also have its grand opening that night.
There‚??s no cover for all three places, and you can order $2 you-call-its from 10 p.m.-midnight. People attending have a shot at winning a case of beer a week for all of 2013.
The Weekender crew will be at Hardware from 9-11 p.m., so stop by to toast to the end of all living things. Then we‚??ll see you next weekend.