By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

Sign language: What do the stars have in line for you?

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    Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

    Your naughty side is likely to come into conflict with your moral compass this week. Usually your strict policy of absolute truth doesn’t keep you from having fun, but every once in a while, it’s tricky. I’m not talking about anything that’s likely to mess up your life, like cheating on your lover. But there are opportunities you’d love to take advantage of that might not be easy for you access while showing all your cards. You don’t have to lie, or even bluff. You just need to keep your hand close to your chest and your mouth more or less shut.

    Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

    “It almost seems too good to be true.” Jinx words, baby. Don’t say them, especially not in the wrong company. This week you can cruise through potentially dangerous or difficult situations with nary a scratch, bump, or hitch, without even trying all that hard. Naturally, I understand that such godsends make you slightly paranoid Capricorns suspicious. Voicing your reservations, however, can only call attention to how relatively easy you have it at the moment—an observation that might have escaped noticed otherwise. It’s at this point that your naysayers and rivals might choose to stick out a foot and trip you up. Too good to be true? Well, shut up about it and it might stay that way.

    Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

    You’re all about the destination, lately, not the journey. If I asked you where you’d like to go, if you could get there instantly, without hassle, your list would be virtually endless. However, once we factor in considerations like expense, discomfort, and time, that list shrinks. This applies to metaphorical voyages as well as physical ones.; you know where you’d like to go, say, with your relationship, but you’re not willing to put in the time or effort to make the trip. Maybe you’re just too busy at the moment. Fine. But please don’t think you can put it off indefinitely. By the time you can finally be bothered to head in that direction, the city you wanted to visit may have slid right off the map.

    Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

    Pisces are the best emotional manipulators in the zodiac. That’s something of a well-kept secret. You rarely fight because you (honestly) claim to loathe conflict. However, there’s a dark underbelly to your attitude: you also use it as a cover to get your way without ever having to go head-to-head with anyone. Why do I mention this? Because I’m not the only one who’s cottoned on to your secret. If you push this one (no matter your expertise and subtlety) you’ll be caught out and forced into the kind of fracas you loathe—and would lose, miserably. Back off, and live to not fight another day.

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    Some situations call for bold forthrightness, while others require subtlety, issue-skirting, and verbal dancing. When someone needs boldness and bald honesty, they call an Aries. More delicate negotiations, however, are simply not your forte. This is one of those weeks when your big mouth is more likely to get you into trouble than help you out. Recognize (and admit) that at once, and do what most mature and effective people do when they bump up against something that they’re just plain not good at: They don’t try anyway and fall flat on their faces. They delegate.

    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    “Many human beings say that they enjoy the winter, but what they really enjoy is feeling proof against it.”—Richard Adams (fellow Taurus). Keep his words in mind this week. Finding that you’re sufficiently buffered or otherwise immune from adversity can make the supposed difficulties you experience this week a pleasure, not a curse. In other words, when problems present themselves, don’t freak. Examine them more closely. Do they actually have the power to hurt you or divert you from your course? Chances are, probably not. It’s just like being inside during a howling blizzard, curled under a blanket with a cup of cocoa and a good book: something to relish, not lament.

    Gemini (May 21-June 20)

    I used to get frustrated with Geminis. I found you difficult and confusing, until I came up with a kind of visualization that helped me. Now I imagine that you’re actually two people: a pair of conjoined twins who’ve learned to cooperate expertly and forge an amazing variety of compromises to honor their intentions and desires—which are often at odds with each other. It may not be an accurate vision, but it fit with my observations of your behavior, so it helped me deal. Giving shape you can understand to the frustrations of your life can help you, similarly, address them with compassion and patience—even if it’s a kind of white lie, isn’t that better than the kind of misery you’re experiencing now?

    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    Your unshakably subjective perspective is both strength and weakness. It grants you incredible empathy, compassion, and insight into others. However, it also frequently blinds you to the big picture. You don’t often miss that slightly cold and distant viewpoint, but sometimes—like now—it’d be extremely helpful. For instance, a glimpse of that magnificent tapestry of life’s unfolding events would reveal that the dull grey patch you’re stuck in is actually an important part of something beautiful. Still can’t see it? Find someone who can—someone you love and trust—and honor their lofty perspective, and heed their advice.

    Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

    You beast. I admire the lusty instinctive forces at work within you this week, but others might not understand or appreciate them as much as I do. There’s no point in trying to suppress the healthy, powerful, and fun primal intensity surging through you. However, a bit of warning to your less spontaneous friends might help them enjoy your wild ways, rather than be put off by them. Something like renting out a gorilla suit—although feel free to opt for some slightly more subtle alternative—could help shift their assessment of your current freakiness from “alarmingly unpredictable” to “strangely charming.”

    Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

    I love the home stretch: that glorious finish line ribbon fluttering just ahead, a final all-out sprint, and the wonderful sense of relief that accompanies the successful completion of a task. Many Virgos, however, get more of a thrill from an untouched to-do list than one that’s almost all crossed off. I think they find the prospect of undirected freedom slightly terrifying. This week, however, you’ve got to deal with that feeling. What to do after you’ve crossed the finish line? There’s nothing you have to do. Anything goes. Daunted? Well the only way to get from intimidated to animated is to play it out and get good at going somewhere good without maps or destinations—without anything, in fact, but space.

    Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

    Every Libra spends too much of their life dreaming of winning the lottery, scoring a fat inheritance, marrying into money, or otherwise coming into wealth without having to do something (like work some boring-ass job) that they don’t want to do. These fantasies are, of course, nothing to be ashamed of—everyone at least occasionally has made similar wishes. However, getting hung up on them, as you have lately, would be a big mistake, especially if it kept you from actually tackling the more challenging tasks currently on your plate. Dream on, certainly—but get your butt in gear while you’re at it.

    Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

    Most Scorpios I know love puzzles. You love to fidget with complex conundrums, fitting them together in different ways, and turning them over and over in your mind until a solution presents itself. This is good for you—so good that when you don’t have enough of these twisty tangles to unravel, you’ll subconsciously create some where there are none. This is where you get into trouble, wrapping an unsuspecting (and unwilling) non-Scorp in your web of intrigue. Before you tie someone up in problems that don’t exist—ultimately for your own entertainment—go find some already-existent, already-tied knots that need your expertise.

    By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

    To contact Caeriel send mail to

    To contact Caeriel send mail to