Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
You’re not renowned for astounding sensitivity. Aquarians actually have a reputation for being slightly emotionally clueless. When one of your friends clams up this week, please know: it’s because she’s going through something. Naturally, when you most need an explanation is when she’s least able to formulate one. That’s when you call in reinforcements. Your friend still needs your help and support, even if she can’t ask for it. Consult one of your more intuitive and empathic friends (probably a Cancer or Pisces). Then, once you’ve received their sage advice—whether it makes sense to you or not—please act on it.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Pisceans have insane amounts of charisma, and a sort of charming cluelessness about how wonderful and likeable they are. Even when you’re given unequivocal proof of your personal magnetism, you somehow fail to become conceited (or at least hide it well). Please don’t lose that amazing self-effacement. But don’t let it cross over into outright self-denigration. You Pisceans can all too easily tumble deep into pits of miserably low self-esteem (to everyone’s shocked disbelief). That’s this week’s danger. Counter it: Be modest, but don’t think for a second that you’re not really, really good.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Behave. You know all too well that your resident Chief Authority Figure is watching you like a hawk, peering over your shoulder at every opportunity, and gleefully slavering at the thought of busting you. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Let them lie awake nights with schadenfreudic longing, while you slide effortlessly into the role of Model Citizen. It’s against your well-established rebellious nature, of course—which is why it’ll be all the more infuriating for those who are out to get you. Don’t worry, you won’t have to maintain the charade for long; you’ll have a chance to pull a monumental prank in less than three weeks.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Stone-cold silence will serve you as well this week as any explanation you could offer about your behavior. Knowing that, it’s certainly a tempting option. After all, it’s easy to put up a wall and simply hide behind it, letting people bash themselves against it, or ignore it, as they will. But although that may be the easier option (for you), it’s not the best one. After all, it’s doing quite an injustice to those who feel invested in you. They might even believe they have a right to some kind of rationalization about what you’re up to. Whether you have a duty to them or not isn’t the point, though. It’s about what you’d prefer, in their shoes. Once you’ve answered that, what you ought to do is perfectly clear.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
A character in Katherine Dunn’s brilliantly twisted Geek Love performs abdominal surgery on herself, using ingeniously-angled mirrors, in her university dorm room, in an effort to remove an imagined remote control device she thought had been implanted next to her liver. Does it worry you that she reminds me of you at the moment? You’ve opened yourself up, solo. This is not something that should be done alone. Taking yourself apart—and putting things back together—is a monumental task. Your admirable intentions will meet with depressing failure unless you get some help—professional or amateur, it almost doesn’t matter. Just please don’t go it alone.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You can’t go back to high school, or to any other time in your past. Although it’s nice to fantasize about how great it would be to relive history, blessed with hard-won, real-life wisdom and experience, it’s simply impossible. Stop daydreaming about how much you’d rock your senior year, now that you’re that much more free from the shyness and insecurity that plagued you then. You’ve got to start applying—really applying—that personal growth to the present moment, instead of wasting time feeling as inadequate now as you did then. Otherwise you’ll be doing the same thing with this chapter in ten years.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Leos can suck at letting go. Being so capable and fabulous has a drawback; you can too easily delude yourself that everything’s under your control. Hence, when you encounter something that’s mostly out of your hands, you can’t accept it. You struggle madly to make it conform to the vision in your head. It’s actually one of the primary founts of your suffering, this inability to make reality perfectly mimic fantasy. Luckily, this is a good week for release, and the realization that sometimes the only thing you can change about a situation is your reaction to it. Astrological influences enable you to let shit go, shit you’ve been holding for far too long. Take advantage of them, please.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Invite your friends and loved ones over, lift the rug, and sweep out all the junk, secrets, and crap that’s been shoved under it during the past few months and years. It’s easy for people to adore you for your virtues; those who can love you for your faults are really special. Let your friends prove they’re just that good. I’m betting that not a single guest will leave in disgust. Some of them might not exactly like a few of the twisted messes you’ve kept hidden, but they’ll still be glad and honored that you shared them.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
The Abkhazian language has around 60 consonants, some of which can communicate entire ideas, and sounds including a buzz and a trill. (Abkhazia has existed in one form or another for over two millennia; it hasn’t been recognized as an independent nation since Stalin made it part of Soviet Georgia in 1931.) Despite efforts by the Russian and Georgian governments to suppress and eradicate it, the language has survived. You, too, are incredibly diverse, able to convey complex ideas simply, and, in some ways endangered. Abkhazia has frequently (and so far, in vain) sought recognition as a sovereign nation. What will you do to make sure you survive, intact, the rampant disregard of your boundaries?
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You can’t help it if someone underestimates you. You can sometimes immediately benefit or suffer from it, but revising their opinion can often take ages. In the meantime, plenty can happen. Obviously, if it’s some kind of rival who’s misjudged you, it’s not bad; you can take advantage of his foolishness and deliver a good hearty spanking when he least expects it. But if it’s an ally, or potential ally, who’s undervalued you, you’ve got a severe problem: doors might remain closed that you desperately want or need open. This week, you’ve got a chance to dramatically show off what you’re really capable of. Of course, that means that both friends and enemies will find out. I say do it anyway.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
No one wants to play with you, sweetheart, because you’re too competitive. Sure, you don’t brag loudly like those brash Aries, or pout over a loss like a bratty Cancer; your victory gloating is more subtle and barbed, and your defeats are marked more by vengeance than tantrums. In other words, you don’t mess around; you play for keeps. Thus, don’t be surprised when you’re short on playmates this week. Most of us just want to mess around. Tone down your act for a while: Play as hard as ever, but don’t get attached to the outcome. The goal, at least right now, is fun, not winning.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Someone you know (and probably intensely dislike) has been acting lately like a spoiled, bratty child. As if their bad behavior wasn’t infuriating enough, they’re also being rewarded for it, with lots of loving attention and even special favors (It goes without saying you are far more worthy of these). However, don’t succumb to the temptation to point accusatory fingers, or, worse, emulate that monstrous behavior yourself. There’s nothing you can actually do to change the situation for the better. Sometimes life is just messed up that way. All you can do is preserve your own integrity, develop your patience, and hope people will come to their senses, and things will change on their own. Eventually, they will.
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