By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Didn’t think you could overdose on intimacy did you? You believe in your own stamina, your ability to engage in—relish, even—emotional process for days on end. But how many heart-to-hearts can even your robust organ take before it’s pulped into jelly? This week you may find out, but I hope you’re wise enough to take a break before it comes to that. Don’t let things get to the snapping point, in an effort to prove yourself a superhumanly compassionate listener. Take some space before you get bitchy, while you can still do so gently. You have limits, whether you like it or not. Respect them.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
You can’t bake a cake in half the time by doubling the temperature. Try not to let your impatience get the best of you this week. It could be frustrating while you wait for certain necessary processes to play themselves out. Why can’t people just skip to the end that’s so obvious to you? Same reason the cake can’t rise into its sweet fluffy glory except in its own sweet fluffy time. Don’t turn up the heat, despite your current hotheadedness. You’ll just burn the cake and screw everything up. Patience, darling; your dessert is coming.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Don’t take anyone for granted this week. While most of your usual gang is lining up their vocal support for whatever you have in mind, your strongest and most important ally may have serious reservations. These could come up at an awkward time if you simply assume all along that they’ve got your back. You’ll want to heed whatever your best bud has to say, and it’ll be awkward for them to speak their mind in front of a mob of your rabid fans. Make sure you know (and consider) the opinions of those you want to count on, before you need to count on them.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
I’m often hard on Libras, I admit. I use that classic excuse to beat someone up: it’s because you can take it, and, more importantly, because I’m trying to get you to fulfill your potential. Libras have it so easy; you need to be pushed to develop yourselves. You’re generally reasonably smart, attractive, creative, and likeable. It’s awfully simple to glide by on those fine traits and just sort of be normal, nice—and, ultimately, mediocre. You’re certainly welcome to do that. But I say if you can step it up and be better than pretty good—and you can—you should.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Your astrological neighbors, those Libras, sometimes require ass-kicking to explore unrealized potential. Not so you. Your predilection towards extremes of all kinds is a near-compulsion to leave no stone unturned—within yourself as well as without. As you’ve already discovered, many times, that can be dangerous. I won’t discourage you from this intrepid exploration, however, despite its hazards; it’s necessary, important, and admirable. But please consider the timing. What you do and where you go (mentally as well as physically) impacts other people besides yourself. You don’t necessarily owe it to them to wait until the time is right for everyone—but that kind of patience makes an awfully nice gift.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
It’s a week of reruns. You already know how all these stories are going to turn out, and no matter which channel you switch to you’re doomed to experience something worse than déjà vu. It may be tempting to inject some new elements into these situations, just to screw them up. You certainly could, if you chose to. But I wouldn’t, if I were you; any deviation from the course this week means a more negative, less satisfying outcome, and ultimately a more frustrating week than you were in for before. So you have to watch a few repeat episodes of shows you never particularly liked. So what? Relax. There’ll be enough chaos and uncertainty in the next couple of weeks to more than make up for their absence in this one.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You need to dig a little deeper. That is, if you want to keep that special someone in your life, you’ve got to come up with and offer just that little bit more than you have so far. Otherwise s/he’s going to walk, and sooner rather than later. People need change, growth, expansion, development. And even though you’ve provided all those things, sometimes they need even more of them, faster. That’s just one of the compromises of being in a relationship. In other words, if you’ve got more to offer, put it out there, swiftly. If you don’t, get ready to say goodbye.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Why does the phrase “just friends” even exist, anyway? It’s a lame break-up, especially considering that so many romantic relationships don’t seem to be especially good friendships; without sex to provide some kind of glue, they tend to fall apart. A good friendship is infinitely more complex, interesting, rewarding, and solid than most supposedly “intimate” connections. It’s alright for mutual physical pleasure to provide some of the bond between two people, especially in the beginning of a relationship, but eventually, unless some more enduring, deep, non-physical connection is cultivated, the relationship will fall apart. This week, develop what goes on between you and your partner out of bed, so that it’s at least as strong as what happens in it.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Extreme forces confuse and paralyze you when they’d polarize almost everyone else, and spur them to action. They’re just not your forte. However, during weeks like this one, rife with messy, subtle, conflicting influences that would bewilder most of the more straightforward signs (especially those relatively simple Leos and Aries), you thrive. An intricate maze full of subtle, almost indiscernibly different choices is ideal for you. Luckily that’s just what this week provides. Wind your way through it, and if you encounter any bewildered fire signs along the way, let them tag along, would you?
Aries (March 21-April 19)
You’re lucky you’re not susceptible to the same confusing forces acting on your astrological neighbors, those Pisces, because they’d mess you up. Fortunately for you, everything this week is exactly how you like it; more or less straightforward, clear-cut, and unambivalent. Or so it might seem. It’s not that deceptions abound at the moment. No one’s got balls enough to out-and-out lie to your face. But should you come to the wrong conclusion on your own, no one’s likely to set you straight, either. In other words, before you make what seems like an obvious decision, check your facts. They might be false.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Some people pack up their whole lives and move on a whim. Not Taurens. Although you can appreciate someone’s desire to live by the ocean, you’d never quit your job and schlep your shit somewhere for that reason alone. You need a lengthy rationale before you consider drastic changes, and lots of time to weigh all the factors of your decision. Sometimes, however, you don’t have time to figure out all the details before you take the plunge. Some opportunities vanish overnight, and some people simply don’t have that much patience. This week, if pressed into a decision you’re not ready for, don’t balk: Trust your gut and leap.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Twice now I’ve dreamt about Gemini friends conducting very unusual, uncharacteristic searches. In one, a tall, hairy, and very straight Gem friend was on the hunt for a pair of glamorous high-heeled shoes that’d fit his massive, crooked-toed feet. In the other, a friend of mine who already has two more kids than she’d ever planned on, restlessly sought babies—both animal and human—to kidnap and make her own. Are you, too, hunting something that isn’t exactly appropriate, and—despite its quirky possible appeal—doesn’t make sense? I suspect so, and I wish you’d stop chasing wild geese, especially since some tame, golden-egg laying ones are hanging out right nearby, just waiting for you to notice them.
To contact Caeriel send mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.