Rock, paper, what?

Last week, after reading something somewhere about rock, paper, scissors, I realized that I had never used the game, if you will, to decide anything. Probably because I’m not too coordinated with my hands, something I doubt has anything to do with my being left-handed and all.

So, always an investigator, I innocently sidled over to the other side of the office to ask sales reps John and Bridget just what this was and if people really do use it.

Bridget flew out of her cubicle and said, “A lot can be decided on rock, paper, scissors, Nikki!” Clearly, I’ve been missing something.

Smugly scoffing at me, the two explained the game’s strategy and proceeded to do several demonstrations while I stood there watching them with a blank face.

Now, thinking about a rock vs. paper vs. scissors, my logic thinks rock would always beat the other two, so I would just naturally choose rock each and every time. Au contraire, because it seems paper covers rock. Um, what if paper is under rock and rock rips through paper? Hmm, I bet no one ever thought of that.

Like the brothers and sisters the Weekender staff is, my dear siblings John and Bridget had to tattle to our graphic artist Steve that I never used rock, paper, scissors for anything, so during our staff meeting, Steve sat near me, snickering. When I asked what he was snickering about, he said he couldn’t look at me without thinking about the game and the fact that I was such an oddity.

Humph. I’ve settled many a thing all this time without needing to dip into this whole phenomenon and I’ll gladly stay an oddity, thank you very much.

A Google search brought up the Web site for the World RPS Society whose motto is “serving the needs of decision makers since 1918.”

Seriously? Oh yes, so much so that the society will host its third annual city league championship in Philly on Monday, April 14. More than 1,200 people have taken part in the previous two events.

I bet they’d all scoff at me, too, for being such a freak of rock, paper, scissors nature. I should go there so they can pelt me with invisible rocks and balls of paper.

Scissors, even invisible ones, are just not things to joke about.