Can your other half be friends with the opposite sex?

September 03. 2014 10:24AM
By Melissa Hughes | For Weekender

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A wise man once sang “you say he's just a friend” when confronted with having a mate who has many friends of the opposite sex. It can be unnerving if you are not secure in your relationship to be with someone who has very close friends of the other gender.
I received an email from a reader who wanted some advice on this very topic. Her boyfriend had many female friends. While she is secure in herself as a woman, she still felt uncomfortable about the amount of attention he was giving his female best friend. She claims she knows he isn't a cheater, but the fact he is so comfortable with this girl and has inside jokes with her sometimes makes her feel like a third wheel in her own relationship.
I get it and I have been there. It is so hard coming into a new circle of friends when you start dating someone, especially if there are girls in the circle. It almost feels like you are getting thrown to the wolves and you need to either prove yourself, fight off and defend what is yours, or do the dog and pony show so they like you.
I am here to tell you the following advice: hold up girl, if he wanted to be with her, he would be. He probably loves her like a sister. She is obviously in the friend zone for a reason and ultimately, he picked you.
You are good enough and worthy of his affections. You can be the best of friends with someone and never have a sexual thought about them. You shouldn't second guess your level of amazing or feel threatened that there is another girl in his life. Get to know her, you never know if she might turn into your next best friend.
Ultimately, it comes down to how well you know your guy and how secure you feel in your relationship. Trust your gut instinct and if something is going on that makes you feel uncomfortable, you need to talk to him about it directly. You should be able to have open lines of communication in your relationship and if he isn't going to give you the time of day to listen about your concern, chances are he isn't right for someone as wonderful as you anyways. Never be ashamed of how you feel.
So you say she's just a friend? Well baby, you got what I need.

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