Dear Mom and Dad,
When you’re on a reality show, it is said that you get your 15 minutes of fame. I personally experienced this a few summers ago when I was on the ABC reality series “I Survived A Japanese Game Show,” and hosted Sumo wrestling competitions at The Woodlands every week after the show.
In exchange for free drinks, I would referee drunk people in giant Sumo wrestling fat-suits, battling it out to knock the other down!
The night of my first personal appearance ever, I was filled with excitement. Since I was getting paid in free alcohol, my friend Kimberly decided it would be best if she were to drive.
“I need to pick up this guy first that I met at a concert last week,” she insisted. “I invited him to come with us.”
When we picked him up, he said that he ordered wings, and we needed to take him to get his order on the way.
“They’ll have food at The Woodlands,” I assured him.
“Nah, I’m good,” he replied. “I’ll just get these wings.”
Already cutting it close to being on time for my appearance, we had to take this dude to some dive bar to pick up his wings.
Kimberly and I sat in the car waiting for him when he went inside to retrieve his order. After waiting for 15 minutes, I started to get pissed.
“I’m supposed to be at The Woodlands right now!” I screamed. “I’m late for my very first personal appearance because some dude you met at a concert needs wings? Let’s GO!!!”
Kimberly decided to go inside and get him instead.
By the time we got to The Woodlands, I was 45 minutes late.
“Can you drive around for a few more minutes?” he asked. “I want to finish these wings.”
I had Kimberly drop me off while she drove around with him for the next 20 minutes so he could finish his wings.
Rolling in solo, reeking of Frank’s Red Hot wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I pictured arriving fashionably late to my first ever personal appearance.
Pissed off, I started to take advantage of my pay - by garbage drinking. Before I knew it, I was #WhiteBoyWasted.
Somehow I managed to get into a drunk argument with the world’s most annoying radio personality sidekick to ever exist (I’m sure everyone knows who I mean).
On a roll of being a hot mess, I decided I wanted to sing with the band.
I then jumped on stage, and started yelling at the lead singer of M80 to give me her microphone — as she was singing! WHO DOES THAT?
When I was escorted off the stage by a security guard, my friends decided it was time to take me home.
Sorry Mom and Dad for almost getting kicked out of an event where I was the guest of honor. That’s what happens when you take jobs that pay in liquor…