Last updated: December 11. 2013 12:43AM - 1210 Views
By Justin Brown Weekender Correspondent

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The faculty advisor at my college’s television station would perpetually tell me that I “push the envelope” too much. My college professors insisted that I skipped class too often. My mom and dad still stand firm in believing that I drink too frequently.

I never believed any of them. I maintained the belief that being young and reckless was the only way to truly be old and wise. That is, however, until I found myself turning 27 years old and living with my parents, while some of my best friends from college were married with children, in law school, and buying their first homes.

“I’m not drinking tonight,” I told myself after scrolling through my Facebook News Feed to find too many pictures of my friends’ babies. “My wild adventures are getting too much. It’s time for me to act like an adult.”

While taking inventory at the bar I manage later that night and checking on my bar tender, I received a phone call from a friend from high school.

“Please tell me you’re at the bar,” they expressed. “I need someone to vent to, Justin Adam Brown.”

Fast forward a few hours; I started drinking just to handle what I was hearing my friend vent about.

When the bar closed, I approached the jukebox to play some songs for us to finish our drink to. When I turned around, my friend was passed out at the table.

Figuring they needed to rest before driving home, I decided to lie down and take a nap while they slept it off.

I didn’t wake up until six in the morning!

I immediately noticed my friend was gone and that my wallet was wide open on the table. I found that to be strange, so I looked inside to find that it was empty! I had a f—king Ben Franklin in there! My friend vanished with my $100 bill.

Now hungover, pissed, and BROKE, I repeatedly called my friend on the ride home.

No answer.

I couldn’t figure out why they’d do that.

Pissed, confused, and not sexually aroused by this form of foreplay whatsoever, I did what anyone else would: I called them out on Facebook for stealing my money.

A few hours later, my friend called me asking me to remove the Facebook status because it was giving their mom stomach cramps at work.

“It was a joke,” they claimed.

“Who takes $100 from someone’s wallet as a joke?” I asked.

“Justin, we were drinking,” they reminded me.

I thought it was a sign that my life was too crazy, too adventurous, and just too much. That is, however, until I scrolled through my News Feed to find pictures of my friends with kids, and realized most of them are getting fat, which made being responsible so not sexy to me anymore.

For everyone else out there who isn’t where they thought they would be, enjoy when life gets to be too much. Enjoy too much alcohol. Too much love. Too much work. Too much procrastination. Too much insecurity. Too much of not enough. Realize that overindulgence is the key to neutrality.

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