Disappointment of biblical proportions

Boasting direction from Harold Ramis and a screenplay co-written by “The Office” scribes Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg, “Year One” should be the smartest comedy playing in theaters right now. Instead, “Year One” is one of the most middling, mediocre and idiotic comedies playing in theaters right now. What the hell happened?

My guess is that a studio executive read the first draft of the script, tossed it at one of the writers’ faces and shouted, “This is far too subtle! It’s 120 pages long and not a single caveman puts shit in his mouth! And where are all the sodomy jokes? I’m telling you, if you want to get that younger demographic there needs to be a sodomy joke every five —no — every two minutes! Oh, and if you hacks refuse to give me a scene in which a giggling retarded man repeatedly farts on that kid from “Arrested Development,” then I will find writers who will, capiche? Now, if you’ll excuse me, those Friedberg and Seltzer kids are struggling with their latest draft of “Twilight Movie” and I have some hilarious ideas about diarrhea.

In “Year One,” Jack Black plays Jack Black in a Loincloth, an inept caveman, who along with Michael Cera in an Unconvincing Wig (Michael Cera) is banished from their tribe when Black accidentally eats from the Tree of Knowledge. From there the film morphs into an uneasy combination of “Forrest Gump,” “Superbad” and the Old Testament as Black and Cera encounter various figures from the bible. Along the way they irritate Cain and Abel (David Cross and Paul Rudd in an all-too-brief appearance), inadvertently stop Abraham (Hank Azaria) from sacrificing his son Isaac (Christopher Mintz-Plasse, or as he will be known for the rest of his life, “that guy who played McLovin”) and eventually wind up in Sodom where through a series of religulous misadventures, Black starts believing he’s the chosen one.

Although the filmmakers were clearly inspired by “History of the World Part 1” and “Monty Python’s Life of Brian,” “Year One” actually shares more in common with the obscure 1980 Dudley Moore film “Wholly Moses.” Not only are both films instantly forgettable, but they’re also not afraid to squander the limitless potential of their outrageous concepts. Like a lot of comedies that are set in the past, too much of the humor lies in the fact that the primitive characters speak like modern man. This cheap form of anachronistic humor wasn’t funny when the Flintstones did it in the ’60s, and it still isn’t funny today. Speaking of unfunny, what’s with all of the gross-out gags in this film? Everything from shit eating to vomiting to accidental piss drinking is explored in near punishing detail. At what point did “Year One” cease to be a comedy and start becoming a very specific fetish film?

Still, as dire as the material can often be the performances are fun if not funny. As the smarmy Cain, Cross practically steals the show while Black and Cera have excellent chemistry together, even though I wish they would at least try to stretch as actors. When are they going to play characters that aren’t either a crazy fat guy or an acerbic-yet-nervous teen? Oh, and for you comedy nerds out there, be on the lookout for a barely recognizable Bill Hader as a laidback witch doctor, “Upright Citizens Brigade’s” Matt Besser as a pissy spectator at a virgin sacrifice, Kyle Gass as a eunuch and “Human Giant’s” Paul Scheer as “volunteer slave.”

All in all, it’s not the kind of movie you’d want to pay to see in theaters or on DVD for that matter. Just wait for the highlights to show up on YouTube sometime next year.

Rating: W