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While every girl dreams of her wedding day, every guy dreams of his bachelor party.
Even better, I’ve been fortunate enough to have been on a slew of bachelor parties without having to deal with that pesky business of following it up with getting married.
Being selected as a best man is an honor not to be taken lightly. You will be entrusted with the wedding ring and you’ll get to make a speech at the reception. You’ll also have to pose for a ton of pictures. But before any of that, you’ll put together the groom’s last night of debauchery.
As an observer and an organizer of such fetes, I’ve learned a few dos and don’ts along the way. Chief among them are: it’s about the bachelor, not about you; you should still do your best to make sure everyone has a good time; the best man’s job is as much one of peacemaker as it is one of party planner.
The guest list
First and foremost: who all should be invited to this goat rodeo? Ask the bachelor to provide you with a list of whom he’d like to invite. If you’re not fond of some these folks, tough.
The invite
Send an e-mail to all of the invitees and set a deadline for them to respond and to pay.
Remember, there’s probably some of Joe Groom’s future in-laws on the list, so keep it clean. So bypass the talk about dismembered hookers and 3 a.m. coke deals.
Money talks
You’ll have to get your cheapskate friends to chip in for all of the bachelor’s costs (food, drink, jail, penicillin) as well as their own. While it’s wise to keep things cost effective, a bachelor party that is a little more expensive will weed out the hangers-on that were just going for the booze and girls anyway.
Tailor made
A night a local strip club is perfect for some bachelors. For others, it’s nothing unique. Some guys would prefer a quiet afternoon on the golf course with their buddies, while others would rather pile into a rented van for a road trip. Atlantic City, N.J., and Las Vegas are natural choices for a road trip, but don’t rule out Montreal or Toronto. A group of friends and I had a blast in Montreal for a BP a few years ago, thanks to the friendly, heavy-drinking locals, the Europe-meets-America atmosphere and wild nightlife. Ditto for a recent trip to Baltimore’s Inner Harbor which included a massive afternoon seafood lunch and a concert.
Avoid the clich�s
I’ve been to about three bachelor parties in Philadelphia that were cookie-cutter replicas of each other: a rented school bus with a keg on tap; a few hours at the strip joint Show and Tel; and the unbearable conclusion at Polly Esther’s, complete with repeat playings of “Dancing Queen” and screaming tiara-clad, penis-straw-sipping bachelorette gaggles. If the bachelor wants this, go for it. But a little original thought should go into your planning.
Practice good PR
This is important. Don’t lie, per se, but just because something happens doesn’t mean it should be broadcasted all over MySpace. Don’t celebrate it. Avoid photographs, don’t chit-chat about the aftermath online and just make sure to stay discreet, no matter what goes on. Every group has a Chatty Kathy. Corner him while you are both still sober and remind him, under penalty of death, that what happens in (wherever) stays in (wherever). Remind him again after the event.
Also, while things getting slightly out of hand is inevitable, it’s your job as best man to keep an eye on the groom to be. Make sure he doesn’t die. This may sound funny, but we thought we lost a guy for good once. Seriously. Make sure he isn’t so drunk he’s getting denied entrance/thrown out of bars. Make sure he’s not getting too grabby with the female talent, and make sure he doesn’t get anyone’s phone number. Even more important, make for damn sure he doesn’t give his out to anyone!
… and hers
If you’re a bride-to-be, congratulations! After all the hard work of planning your day to shine — the ring, the dress, the flowers, the cake, dealing with your future mother-in-law — its safe to say that you are probably in desperate need of one last celebration with your girls before you become a proper Mrs.
If you are a bridesmaid — especially one that’s been dealing with a bridezilla and one about to be outfitted in a pastel pouf number you most certainly will not wear again — you’ll probably need that celebration just as much as the bride.
Bachelor parties have long been a prospective groom’s last hurrah, and bachelorette parties are no different, sometimes being just as raunchy as their groom’s. Maybe you want to be one of those brides-to-be decked out in a veil with some choice pieces of penis attire. Maybe you’re more low-key than that and just want to pamper yourself and your friends. Maybe you want to pay an homage to your childhood with one last sleepover.
Whatever your personality and budget, throwing a bachelorette party can be easy to plan, easy on the budget and, most importantly, fun.
Here’s a few tips from the Weekender to give you a starting point.
Be a wino
Hire a driver and head north to New York’s Finger Lakes. With an abundance of wineries dotting those beds of water, not only would this be a nice change to a standard night out, but you might end up finding a favorite new bottle to uncork — as well as get a nice wine buzz on as you try to find it. The Finger Lakes are close enough for a daytrip but there’s more than enough things to do for an entire weekend. Online: www.fingerlakes.org.
Spa days
What girl doesn’t love being pampered, especially before a special day? Schedule massages, manicures and pedicures, facials, body treatments at your favorite local spa, salon or resort. Or find one out of the area at www.spafinder.com and get your fluffy robe ready.
Fondue party
Fondue wasn’t lost in the ’70s — if anything, it’s having a resurgence. From meat dipped in hot oil to bread and vegetables in cheese to fruit and marshmallows in chocolate, a fondue party is easy and something that could feed even the pickiest eater. Why not kick it up a notch and come in your disco best?
Tea party
Leave the stuffed animals at home and find a local tearoom, which won’t be too hard considering the immense popularity of those Red Hat ladies. Wear a proper hat, eat dainty sandwiches, drink out of a delicate teacup and don’t forget to extend your pinky as you sip.
Have your hen night
If there’s a part of you that wants to let your hair down, wear that penis necklace and go up to a random guy to ask him to suck a Life Saver off your shirt. You might be surprised at all the penis accessories available for a bawdy bachelorette party at adult stores, but you’ll love the attention — especially if it includes free drinks.
Martini party
Hire a bartender (maybe a hot male one?) or book a private room at your favorite watering hole and let them impress you with their cocktail mixing skills.
Naughty night
Who really wants to open up crotchless panties or a vibrator in front of Granny — or both of your mothers? With so many at-home toy party providers available, it’s easy to throw a sex toy/lingerie party, especially when guests are told to buy the sexiest lingerie they can find for the bride. Provide some snacks and drinks and get ready to sit back and learn tricks to make the honeymoon last long after the thank you cards are written.
Sleepover
Take everyone back to their youth: watch your favorite cartoons or movies from your teens, do each other’s hair and nails, have a s�ance and don’t forgot to raid your parents liquor cabinet — this time you’re allowed (and you wont have to add water to the bottles). This can be a relatively inexpensive party, unless the pizza delivery guy isn’t bringing pizza at all …
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Michael Lello and Nikki M. Mascali Weekender Staff