Dear Melissa,
I have been seeing this guy for about nine months. We really get along and I like him a lot. Recently he told me that in his past, many years ago, he had a child with someone. It was very nonchalant and casual, which was weird for me. He did say that he is not in the child’s life and has no real connection to the child or mother; he doesn’t even know where they live now. She was just some girl he hooked up with a while ago and she ended up pregnant but he hasn’t seen her since. He said it doesn’t change things between us but he just wanted me to know. Well, now I feel sort of betrayed because he hid something so big from me for so long. He says it’s not as big of a deal as I am making it out to be, but if he can hide a child, what else is he hiding? What do I do?
Clueless
Dear Clueless,
I can see why he was reluctant to mention this child exists to an extent. While it is unfortunate that he is not active in this child’s life, he probably thought it was a something that was never going to have an impact on your lives. I also can absolutely understand your feelings. A child is a huge deal and should never be casually tossed into a conversation. You really need to take a good look at your situation with this guy. Nine months is a really long time to keep such a big secret and while the child may not be in his life now, you never know what tomorrow could bring. It is very different dating someone with kids than without. As a single mother, I know this all too well. I would also encourage him to seek out this child, or at least reach out to the mom and offer support and assistance; after all, it takes two people to make a baby.
Good luck!
Melissa
