Deleting someone on Facebook is the social media equivalent of spitting on someone’s face. With that said, I was just spit in the face by my friend’s mom.
It all started when I was testing an iPad at Best Buy. While checking my Facebook on the portable device, I decided to write on my friend Gaylord Focker’s wall about how excited I was for our upcoming weekend trip to New York. OK, his name isn’t really Gaylord Focker, but he’s a male nurse, and surprise, surprise, there really isn’t another well-known name that can be associated with male nurses. That silly Focker and I fully intended to rock the Big Apple like a slurricane (a drunken rampage that would leave damage similar to a hurricane). However, the damage that was about to take place was due to a Facebook foul rather than a handle of cheap vodka.
Just as I was writing on the Focker’s wall, the iPad froze! My impatience led me to tap uncontrollably on the screen. When it finally unfroze, everything I hit while tapping went into effect, causing me to accidentally un-friend and Poke him in a matter of seconds.
He was an understanding Focker when I messaged him what happened and accepted my new friend request.
I thought it would be random and funny if, immediately after he accepted my friend request, he got a new friend request sent to his phone. So I kept deleting and adding him, assuming the Focker would know I was only f--king around.
Instead, the uptight Focker stopped talking to me. Weeks passed, and the crazy Focker wouldn’t return my calls, texts or Facebook messages. Figuring he was joking back by pretending to be mad over something so trivial, I told him that until he started talking to me again, I would text him a picture of Angela Lansbury, the star of “Murder, She Wrote,” every hour, on the hour. After hours of Angela Lansbury pictures, he still wouldn’t budge. When the date for our New York trip arrived, the Focker didn’t show up.
After a week of letting him cool down and not harassing him with pictures of Lansbury, I noticed he blocked me on Facebook. What was worse is that his mom blocked me, too. What a mother Focker!
From now on, even as a joke, I’ll never delete someone on Facebook — nor will I ever be invited for dinner with the Fockers!
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