For some reason when I was in my early twenties, I lacked the artistry of picking up on “red flags.” Example: If you accept a communion wafer from someone dressed as a nun on Halloween, you may need an antibiotic for 10 days. Or, if you go to a psychic who places rock candy in your palms, her prophesies might not come true.
The ultimate red flag I missed is that if you give your roommate money toward the rent and they return two hours later with a Crown Royal bag full of ecstasy pills, they probably didn’t give the money to the leasing office.
Sure I thought it was odd that the apartment I lived in when I started my internship at “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” was occupied by a struggling Korean actor, his unemployed immigrant sidekick, a UCLA athlete, a married army-vet in a bi-coastal marriage and a teenage runaway, but I’ve always been the type to embrace diversity.
I really thought they were harmless, even if some of them used debit cards with different names labeled on them.
Then, after an unconventional wake-up call, their odd behaviors began to add up.
“Why you no pay rent?” screamed a Korean woman in my face, as I woke up to a deflating air mattress and three generations of immigrants standing before me.
“Mom, I’m so sorry!” screamed the struggling Korean actor in tears. “He’s the reason they’re evicting us! I’ve been supporting Justin for the past six months, trying to get him off drugs, instead of paying my rent!”
My jaw dropped. We were getting evicted because my roommate was using his rent money and the money from all his boarders to feed his drug habit and was blaming it on me.
“I’ve only lived with you for the past three weeks, you crazy son-of-a-bitch!” I shouted in defense.
“Don’t you lie to my Mamma, boy!” he cried.
His family then started to shout at me in Korean. I wasn’t sure if they were putting a voodoo spell on me or not, but realized I had to get out of there ASAP before things escalated.
With their chanted yelling blasting in my ears, I gathered my belongings and bolted.
I was left sitting in a parking lot with two stuffed suitcases, a pillow and a deflated air mattress. I was homeless in Hollywood, uncertain of what to do next. But as always, I figured something out ...
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