“Who do you have for the Secret Santa?” asked Cindy.
“I’m not telling!” I replied, smirking.
The fact of the matter was that I actually had Cindy in the Secret Santa gift exchange where we bartend together. Our Christmas party for the employees was quickly approaching, and I was trying to figure out what I should get her. Since this would be my first year at the holiday affair, I didn’t know what people usually exchanged. Did they give each other dirty, raunchy, sexually stimulating gag gifts? Or did they keep it classy and present their colleagues with gift cards to Applebee’s?
When I tried getting more information out of one of the other bartenders, the only thing they really confirmed to me about the Secret Santa was that you had to tell a story behind the gift you bought. Since I’m not really known for telling appropriate stories, I decided against the Applebee’s gift card, instead opting to go with something dirty, raunchy and sexually stimulating.
For some reason, I struggled to find something erotic that had a sentimental story behind it. Don’t you hate when that happens? However, with big thanks owed to the “edible” section at a porn store where truck drivers masturbate in the viewing booths, I found the perfect gift!
After two hours of drinking like a Lohan with my coworkers the night that the Christmas party finally arrived, it was time to hand out gifts.
“As everyone knows, I am the newest employee here,” I explained. “I have to admit, everyone was very welcoming when I first started. But you, Cindy, were really the most welcoming person to me here. I think you’re so nice, so fun and so awesome. There really should be more people like you in this world. So, my gift to you this Christmas is something that will help make sure there is more of you in the world!”
She opened the box to find a product that makes a chocolate mold of her Notorious V.A.G.!
Everyone applauded, but her boyfriend ran right up to me to shake my hand, as he is a fan of both chocolate and her Tooter Bug.
To refrain from being completely inappropriate, I also gave her lip gloss.
This Christmas I learned that chocolate makes everything a little more sentimental. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
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