I went to high school with a girl who blamed wearing the same clothes all the time on her house catching on fire. Bullshit! The same girl went to Alabama for a week and came back speaking in full Southern twang. Fact is she was poor and mentally unstable. I used to think she was the craziest girl I ever met, until I met Krazy Kelly.
One night my friend Mandy and I were sitting in my bedroom at the fraternity house wondering what we were going to eat. Since the catered dinner I got at the house that night was just a bowel movement waiting happen, we needed a Plan B.
“Maybe that weird Kelly girl who just shows up with Jell-O shots for your parties will make us some food,” suggested Mandy.
For some reason, Mandy had her number, so we called her and explained how we were hungry and broke. Since she always showed up to my frat’s parties alone, we figured she would be happy to be included in our company.
Kelly told us she had no food, but would buy us pizza if we wouldn’t mind waiting for her to return something she just bought at the store so she could afford it.
After accompanying her to return shit so she could afford to buy us food, we were stuck hanging out with her for the rest of the night.
“I’m having a big luau party tomorrow night,” she bragged after finally taking us home. “You have to come. Bring your roommates!”
Interested in free alcohol — and to see what her friends were like — Mandy and I went to the party. We brought our roommates, too, as she requested.
As the night went on, we couldn’t help but notice that nobody else showed up to this party.
Early in the night, Kelly passed out, and naturally, I began looking through her things.
“Look at her calendar!” I alerted Mandy and our roommates. “We just met this girl and all of our birthdays are marked on her calendar! What a psycho.”
So, we did what any normal person would do: We stole her alcohol, vandalized her apartment, peed on her and never talked to the crazy bitch again!
Sorry, Mom & Dad, for manipulating a girl with no friends for a pizza. Boy, did that backfire …
Keep up with Justin on Facebook.com/sorrymomanddad & Twitter @sorrymomanddad
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