With only four columns remaining this season, I have decided to turn the tables on some of my readers. As you know, for the six months I have poked fun at many of my teammates, our opponents, and, more often than not, myself. All has been in good fun, and I thank you for laughing along with me, and at me. One thing I have yet to do is take a few harmless (I hope) shots at some of our fans and some of my readers. So in this week’s column I answer some of the less-than-impressive e-mails you have sent me over the course of the season.
“I can’t tell you how amazingly refreshing it is to read a hockey player’s blog that’s well written, thought provoking and has proper spelling and grammer. 100% chance I’m blogrolling you! :)”
Grammer? Come on, if you are going to take a cheap shot at the intelligence of the typical hockey player by complimenting me on my grammar, at least spell the word correctly.
“There is no way on Earth that Ben Lovejoy should ever beat Jeff Taffe in a shootout, especially because Taffe is a frequent callup to the show and has some snipes. I don’t think the punishment fits the crime; he shouldn’t be allowed to cough up $500 to shave, that is a travesty.”
Do you think I made the story up to make me feel better about myself? The only way that this e-mail is appropriate is if you are one of two people: A.) Jeff Taffe’s mother or B.) Jeff Taffe’s wife. Obviously I am not as gifted a goal scorer as is Jeff Taffe, but that was not the point of the story.
“Hey look at the bright side. If Ryan puts you out you won’t have to listen to his trumpet, ;-).”
Huh? I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned a trumpet, have I?
“First, sorry about Deerfield not making the playoffs in NEPSIHA. I know you must be heartbroken. Secondly, how do you feel knowing that Bonvie has a Wikipedia page and you don’t? Thirdly, Bonvie has more goals than you. That must be hard.”
You know how to cut to the core of me, Baxter. I’m actually more upset Dartmouth’s season is already over. You know that Bonvie goes home at night and updates his Wikipedia page. Actually, we have both scored a goal now. But he has also scored an NHL goal. I refuse to make fun of anyone else’s goalscoring ability, or lack thereof, since I clearly lack that gift.
“Hey Ben! I was just wondering what kind of music you listen to?”
Why, are you going to make me a mix tape? Am I in middle school?
“Do you have a man crush on Ryan Lannon?”
Obviously. This must be your first time reading my blog.
“I think that you should interview Tim Wallace because I bet he is a very interesting person.”
I hope you did not actually bet money on this.
“I think you should do an interview with Connor Jamesin your column, he’s pretty dreamy.”
He is “dreamy.” My only problem with Connor is that he is too nice, and there is nothing seemingly wrong with him. By the way, I do not actually interview people; I just make up their answers for them. I would have trouble making up answers for Connor because he does not have any distinct flaw, or do anything that’s stupid enough to make fun.
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