In last week’s column I “interviewed” Alex Goligoski. The truth is, Alex was not actually interviewed, I made up his answers. Sorry. This week at dinner we came up with an idea to help you get to know the four people who live in Ryan Lannon’s house. The other three guys actually wrote these, too — I promise.
1.) What is the most annoying thing about living with Tim Wallace?
Alex Goligoski: How cheap he is.
Tim Wallace: No comment.
Ryan Lannon: The complaining. He thinks he’s living at a hotel. If I had a complaint box outside my room for the tenants living in my house, Wally would have stuffed it by now.
Ben Lovejoy: Wally is notorious for complimenting the meals he cooks. Throwing himself compliments like, “This is such a good salad, man,” or “How good is this chicken I made, man?”
2.) What is the most annoying thing about living with Alex Goligoski?
Alex: He’s the perfect roommate, friend and tenant.
Tim: When he tries to clear his throat at approximately 10:26 p.m. Every night for a solid five minutes.
Ryan: He leaves empty bottles all over the house.
Ben: When he clears his throat.
3.) What is the most annoying thing about living with Ryan Lannon?
Alex: When he asks me for my rent check.
Tim: His infatuation with David Beckham and Steve Prefontaine gets a little old at times. His new hairdo each week and late night jogs in green shoes really annoy me.
Ryan: There is nothing annoying about Ryan Lannon.
Ben: He’s a slumlord. Our washing machine broke before Thanksgiving, and he still hasn’t gotten it fixed. If anyone can help us fix the washing machine, please e-mail me at LannonFan2@gmail.com.
4.) What is the most annoying thing about living with Ben Lovejoy?
Alex: The undeserved fame that he has gotten from this column.
Tim: Ben Lovejoy lives in this house?
Ryan: Every night he walks upstairs and asks me what time practice is the next day.
Ben: That he has not scored a goal all season.
5.) What is your favorite thing about living with Tim Wallace?
Alex: His meals are great. Seeing him squirm when I’m up by a goal in the third period of NHL 2008.
Tim: He makes sure the HD is always working properly.
Ryan: He’s pretty good at the guitar. And when he’s singing he thinks he sounds like Louis Armstrong — it is pretty funny.
Ben: Listening to him complain to Lannon about problems with the house.
6.) What is your favorite thing about living with Alex Goligoski?
Alex: He’s a very generous and selfless person to his roommates.
Tim: He is fun to beat in NHL 08 on Playstation.
Ryan: I like saying, “The goose man.” And he looks like my Polish grandpa.
Ben: He loves making fun of Wally.
7.) What is your favorite thing about living with Ryan Lannon?
Alex: His stories at the dinner table, they are usually too inappropriate for me to mention in a newspaper column.
Tim: As metrosexual as he is, he does a pretty good job in keeping the house clean.
Ryan: Tough call.
Ben: He gives me half of my material for my columns.
8.) What is your favorite thing about living with Ben Lovejoy?
Alex: Seeing him load his body with more vitamins than any normal human being could handle.
Tim: Ben Lovejoy lives here?
Ryan: He has made me famous in his newspaper columns.
Ben: His ability to entertain me all day long.
9.) If you were to compare Ryan Lannon to someone famous, who would it be?
Alex: A toss-up between Colin Farrell and Charlie Sheen.
Tim: Bret Michaels.
Ryan: David Beckham.
Ben: Michael Scofield from “Prison Break.” But seriously, he’s in the NHL, can he get any more famous?
10.) What is the highlight of Tim Wallace’s day?
Alex: Text messaging and driving his Volvo.
Tim: Driving my Volvo
Ryan: Any time he spends in his Volvo.
Ben: He loves his Volvo.
12.) What would be Alex Goligoski be doing if he wasn’t playing pro hockey?
Alex: Be back in Minnesota going to school for 6-8 more years.
Tim: A professional tailgater at Packers football games.
Ryan: A professional spring breaker.
Ben: He would be a senior at St. Cloud State University (Joe Jensen’s alma mater) because he would have been denied admission to the University of Minnesota.
13.) If you could cast your three roommates in a reality show, which one would they be best?
Alex: Lannon would be on “The Bachelor” looking to find love but would end up unsuccessful. He would, however, have the best time of his life. Wally would be on “Survivor: Alaskan Tundra.” He would win the million dollars and spend all the money on Volvo cars and Blu-ray DVD rentals. Ben would be on “Intervention,” curing his addiction for orange Vitamin Water.
Tim: Lovejoy in “Survivor,” he could just go in the woods and hide. Lannon in “Real World,” he would speak his mind, which would be great. Goli in “So You Think You Can Dance.”
Ryan: Wally would be on “Pimp my Ride.” First, how sweet would his pimped-out Volvo be? Secondly, I would love to see Xzibit grab Wally’s shirt and say, “You’ve been pimped.” Lovejoy would be on “Temptation Island,” only instead of girls we would tempt him with some of his many food addictions … Goose wouldn’t be on a reality show, I however would have loved to have seen him cast as an extra in the movie “Fargo.” You know the part when they are at the truck stop in Bemidji, Minn., with the huge statue of Paul Bunyan and Babe, his huge blue ox. It would have been funny to see Goose there.
Ben: Tim Wallace would be on “The Ultimate Fighter.” Their Web site brags that participants have voluntarily withdrawn or expressed the desire to withdraw from the show due to competitive pressure. Wally loves to wrestle. He would do well. Goligoski would be on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” Lannon would be on VH1’s “The Pick-Up Artist.”
14.) Who would you call the worst roommate?
Alex: I have a feeling I’m going to be the common answer for this question … reality hurts. But I will go with Wally just because I’m positive he will say me.
Tim: Bad question.
Ryan: Lovejoy, he’s a hermit.
Ben: Lannon.
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