< previous | next > I want Jennifer Aniston to get married. I really do. And I want her to do it now.

Am I a big fan? No. Not at all.

I pretty much hated "Friends" the few times I watched it. I thought it was unimaginative and that all of the jokes were served up like an allyoop in basketball. The comedy was always obvious or cliche, or somebody would say something or do something so dumb -- something that no one would actually ever say or do -- and the laugh track would kick in.

Not my cup of tea.

I never saw any of Jen's movies, either, though I've heard most are also pretty boring.

Still, I really don't have anything against the woman. She seems nice enough, and what happened with her marriage to Brad Pitt was a lousy thing to happen to anyone. Then she dated that dude from that "Breakup" movie she was in, and then she was dating John Mayer. I think there might have been a few other guys mixed in there, too. All of these relationships supposedly ended badly.

Hey, dating can be tough. We all know it. And my only problem with Aniston is that I -- a person that didn't watch her TV show or see any of her movies -- knows all of this stuff about her personal life.

And how do I know it?

Simply by standing in line at the supermarket.

Whenever I'm getting some groceries, there she is in the tabloid and magazine headlines:

"Jen heartbroken over Mayer."

"Jen cheated on Mayer"

"Mayer cheated on Jen."

"Jen's anguish as Brad and Angelina have twins."

"Jen still calls Brad all the time."

"Jen ready for a baby."

"Brad's secret meeting with Jen."

"Jen (and the guy from the "The Breakup" movie) break up."

ENOUGH. ENOUGH. ENOUGH.

It's constant. And it's been going on for years.

I'm sure the poor girl doesn't enjoy any of it, so my annoyance isn't entirely directed at her. But maybe if she found Mr. Right it would end. Oh sure, the new romance would be headlines for a year or two, and if she had kids, that would be headlines for another few years, but maybe by the year 2015, I could buy a quart of milk and not get the weekly update.

Maybe we all could get some peace.

So Jen, if you're reading ... I know a couple of nice single guys, right around your age ...

About the Author

Alan K. Stout is the music columnist at The Weekender and has been covering rock and pop music in NEPA for more than 15 years. His column, "Music on The Menu" appears every week in The Weekender.

Alan has won a Keystone Press Award for Excellence in Journalism for his music coverage and has been voted Northeast Pennsylvania's "Favorite Newspaper Columnist" seven times.

Alan's interviews include conversations with Billy Joel, Steven Tyler, Eddie Van Halen, David Bowie and Ray Charles. He also wrote the liner-notes to the entire Motley Crue catalog, he is the host of the monthly "Weekender/Mountaingrown Original Music Series" and is the founder of NEPA's annual "Concert For A Cause." He also hosts a weekly radio show, "Music On The Menu Live," which can be heard every Sunday night at 8 p.m. on 102.3-FM, The Mountain.

In addition to his work with The Weekender, Alan also serves as the Newspapers In Education Manager at The Times Leader.

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