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I have a bone to pick with “Peanuts” — the comic, not the nut that’s been spreading that nasty salmonella strain.

                                   

Sure, Charles M. Schulz created one of the most popular comic strips that has ever existed, but every day when I read my funnies, I just find myself getting mad. Almost as mad as I get when I read the terminally not funny “Herman” or just downright bland “For Better or For Worse.” (Seriously, shouldn’t something called a “comic” include content that is humorous?)

 

Now, I am not some grump who doesn’t enjoy — and truly love — Snoopy, because I do. He’s so snarky and fun, and I love when he throws on his scarf to become the World War I flying ace. Hell, I even had a beagle when I was a kid. Never mind that his name was Bandit and he hated me.

 

I feel for the inferiority-complex ridden Charlie Brown. Who of us hasn’t felt downtrodden when we’ve dropped a ball, tripped or done something similar? We all have. It’s a testament to his character that the poor guy gets back up each and every time and heads back out into the game. We could learn from that.

 

What I guess I really don’t like is Lucy. She’s such a bitch — or in ’50s language, a “fuss-budget.” Now, I’ve been known to be quite the little fuss-budget myself sometimes. I own up to it because, after all, knowing is half the battle. I am also not one of the subjects of a much-seen comic strip that millions of children can potentially read.

 

So many kids these days already act like jerks, and with the “Peanuts” crew as some of the most recognized characters in the world, I don’t think Lucy is a very good role model.

 

Exhibit 1: She always pulls the football away from Charlie when he’s about to kick. How rude! What the hell is that teaching kids, to be so ignorant that someone could not only get hurt, but also be mentally scarred for life? Nice.

 

Exhibit 2: She is always doing terrible things to try to wean her brother Linus off his security blanket: stealing it, using it as a kite she “accidentally” let go, burying it. I have a stuffed rabbit named Freddy that I have slept with every night for the past 28 1/2 years. Even my brother, who loved to torture me (and still does), never screwed with Freddy. Some things are just sacred, and a sibling should understand that and be on your side no matter what. It makes Linus happy. Deal with, Lucy de Vil.

 

Exhibit 3: She is so in love with young pianist Schroeder that she is constantly leaning against his toy piano to flirt with him. But, because she is so evil, she also tries to destroy the piano so as to have all of Schroeder’s attentions and affections. Luckily, the musician just rebuts her advances with sarcasm. Looks like he’s just not that into you, Luce. Insert smirk here.

 

But after these three exhibits of how much I dislike Lucy, I’ll be every morning reading all about her and her cohorts whom I like much better.

 

Guess the fuss-budget wins again, huh? Look who pulled the football out from under my foot.

About the Author

Nikki M. Mascali interned at the Weekender in 2005 and is proud to have been the paper’s oldest intern. She became the staff writer/designer in 2006 while still obtaining her journalism degree from Luzerne County Community College, which she received in 2007.

Nikki has written about a variety of topics, from a local dominatrix to Larry the Cable to Soulja Boy, Slash and Shinedown — and everything in between. She represents the “she” view for the “He Said/She Said” with Eric Petersen of Froggy 101.3 in the paper and on air at 5 p.m. every other Wednesday. She also attends the monthly KRZ Spotlight Lounge for photographs and exclusive interviews with artists like Plain White T’s, Matt Nathanson and Hinder. See her every Monday on the Weekender homepage in the Weekly Dose video with Editor Michael Lello.

Nikki has a never-ending love for Twitter (follow her at www.twitter.com/nikkimm33), Steve McQueen and Gerard Butler movies, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and eating, hence the reason she’s our food writer. She thanks you for reading her blog because she’s that kind of girl.

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