I recently received an e-mail from Misericordia about graduation. I graduated in December 2009 (early) but am still walking with my class this May. So to get in the spirit of graduation I read the e-mail. The headline was “Tips for making your graduation photo better.”

They mean well, they really do, but it’s too good not to comment on.

Tip #1 Don’t run across stage. Take your time. Take my time? I’ve been there for almost four years. I don’t want to extend my stay! I want out! Although that would be great if someone grabbed their diploma and booked it. Haha. Can you imagine? Everyone has a nice picture receiving their diploma accept for a picture of a blur.

Tip #2 Stand tall. Don’t lead with your head and upper body. No, I am going to hunch my back and stick out my ass. For those of you who know me, you know I am thinking “some of us have to lead with our upper half.” I’m terrible I know. In all seriousness, I shouldn’t joke about sticking my derriere out because when I was younger I did! It was so noticeable that my wonderful mother, Ann Marie, ended up sending me to etiquette classes where I was tied to the back of chair in hopes I would learn perfect posture and how to be a proper young lady. Boy, did that backfire. :)

Tip #3 Keep eye contact with the president. Don’t look at the floor or the camera. And as long as he is looking at you this is actually a good piece of advice. Though some divas might not be able to help themselves and look right at the camera. But, of course, the camera loves them and it’s not their fault. I guess the flip side of that would be the people who look like they have seen a ghost. In that case we are the lucky ones. Forget looking at the pres, we’ll just be thrilled you are walking and not crawling across stage. However, I think the best is the people who stand in line and say, “Oh my gosh, everyone is looking at me.” No really? Did you think they were watching planes go by? I can already picture it

Tip #4 Pause to shake the president’s hand. Again, don’t rush it. You know what? I’m just going to stand there and shake it up with Mac Daddy, as we affectionately call him, for a whole two minutes. Then what? KIDDING. On the other hand, you’ll still have the frazzled females (as I call them) who are all worried and need a stop watch after reading this. You know who I’m taking about. The "nervous Nancys" who ask, “How long should I stand there?” “Should I count to five?” “Is three minutes too long?” Oh, I can’t wait.

Tip #5 Place your tassel on the backstage side as you approach the stage. This way we will have a clear shot of your face. … And as we all know there will be that one wonderfully intelligent person who stands there wondering which side is the backstage side even though everyone has it placed to the right. Naturally, they finally come up with the brilliant solution and place it to the left. Again, I am all too excited to have a good laugh. It would be pretty hysterical if I was the idiot who did that though. Then again, I guess it isn’t as tragic as the girls who will throw a fit and pout because "that’s not their good side." Go cry about it. You have fair warning -- 31 days to be exact.

Graduation, here I come. Giddy up!
 

There comes a point in every human’s life -- I guess -- that he/she signs up for Twitter.

Yesterday was my lucky day.

Let me start by saying this Twitter thing is going to ruin my life. Let me tell you how.

You all know that I lounge around all day eating potato chips on my couch… in stilettos. NOT! The only true part is that I wear stilettos 24/7 (as referenced in my Twitter bio). I am a workaholic who is married to her work and needs no more than five hours of sleep. That said, I really have no time for a life.

BAM! That’s how I feel about Twitter. I have no time for it.

…And my professor wonders why I’m turning my paper in tonight at 11:59 p.m. right before deadline. Do you think I’m actually going to say “Twitter got in the way?” The clock goes from noon to 3 p.m., and I have done nothing but find more Tweeting pals. Ah! I mean what am I going to do?

And, of course, the first thing I check for is --  you guessed it -- stilettos. It doesn’t help that there are a quadrillion people, groups and stores devoted to stilettos on Twitter. I mean the devil has to strut her stuff in style. I am she, and I have an image to keep up, so I stay sizzling.

And what does every pair of shoes need? A bag to match of course! So then I go looking for handbags and accessories which, led me to beauty and fashion. So now I want to know every makeup tip there is along with every Sephora discount that is Tweeted out. And you need to stay in style, so then I follow every store that I go to, which leads to me following every fitness group because I can’t buy clothes if I’m out of shape. Jeepers creepers!

So I go from following 30 to following 240 in about…oh, TWO HOURS!

It went from a few news sources to beauty to this Twitter nightmare.

Hell, my co-worker just posted about cheese curls, and now I’m hungry. This is insanity.

There are already 63 people following me, too. Wow, I mean I know I’m cool, but now I have 63 little Tweetlings following me? Yikes.

So for anyone who hasn’t had that infamous day in their life yet, beware. Do not follow 240. Stick to 30 -- it’s safer.

The other day my co-workers and I were talking about fashion. I was thinking about a conversation about a little black dress I wore to a party and how you should wear red, gold or even hot-pink shoes -- not black. For as morbid as I am, even I know that black needs a splash of color every now and then. It really made me think.

When someone looks great, you tell them. When someone looks like hell, you talk behind their back and think "What were they thinking?" If you are me, you are honest and say "You look like hell," grab their hand and take them shopping. Yes, please do not put that past me.

I realized that we don’t focus enough on the basic and essential rules of fashion.

I came across an article in a magazine about fashion don’ts and decided to “chimp-ify” them for your pleasure. Here goes nothing.

(Disclaimer: Please seek help immediately before walking outside in public if any of these apply to you.)

Six Sins of Style

1. Overflowing With Fabric

For all of you who think muumuus are cool, you are wrong. Oversized clothing is not it. Clothing shouldn’t be so tight that it is your answer to a girdle. However, it should not be loose enough so you need a map to find your way out. Swim in water, not your clothes. If you are not sure what size you are, ask a sales representative at the store for help.

2. I Was Robbed

No … you weren’t robbed. But if you wear every piece of jewelry you own, you might feel as though you were. Keep the jewelry to a minimum. It should accent your attire, not look as though you are a walking Christmas tree.

3. So Clean They Shine

Shoes add character to any outfit. Take the little black dress for example. Shoes are a great way to “spunk-ify” any plain-Jane top or bottom. Shoes are to be polished and clean. Why anyone would wear a pair of muddy, scuffed, beaten shoes is beyond me. Clean shoes, clean look.

If you want to kick your outfit up a notch, be daring and grab any pair of stilettos. They will “sex-ify” any outfit. Be careful, though: Don’t wear them if you can’t walk in them.

4. Cut Short On Both Ends

If the cut of your top is short, wear a longer or high-waist bottom. If you are wearing a short bottom, such as a mini-skirt, wear a longer top. If you plan to wear a short top and short skirt, please send me a photo so I can laugh. Too short is trashy, ladies and gentlemen, not trendy.

5. Preventing Seizures

Polka dots, stripes, animal, solids, plaids. They are all different patterns used in our everyday outfits. Here is a general rule of thumb: One pattern per outfit. If you mix together zebra print and a plaid, you are going to send someone to the hospital. K.I.S.S.: Keep it simple, stupid.

6. Behind Enemy Lines

Please, if you are wearing tight or clingy fabric, wear a thong. Panty lines should not be seen, no matter what you are wearing. It is tacky and distasteful. No one wants to see your behind lines.

So there are my six sins of style. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this entry.

To wrap up, fashion should be used to tell the world who you are and show off your beautiful, unique figure … just not at the expense of anyone’s health, sanity or lunch.

 

I am blessed to have some of the best friends in the world. You know that life is truly wonderful when you can all make fun of each other over dinner and not have to reach for a bottle of Tylenol because of hurt feelings.  What a great way to ring in the New Year.

Last night, my friends and I went out to dinner at Mi Tolteca. Thank heavens we are regulars, because otherwise they would have thought we all needed to be locked up. Jury might still be out on me ;)

We had just finished auditions for an upcoming production for DGM and wanted to have a nice dinner and relax. Over dinner, we started remembering how we all met. We talked about all the quirks we all have and how we are such a unique bunch. Of course, for anyone who doesn’t know, I love to laugh, even if it is at my own expense. We then busted one another since we knew it was us and we’re all family after everything we’ve been through. Naturally, they did impressions of me because I am a nut case and admit it quite openly. They quoted me for my infamous sayings such as, “I am a woman of my word,” “I am the most morbid individual you will ever meet,” and the night would not be complete without a dig at my “I am damaged” line, which explains me to a T.

I don’t think we all laughed so hard in our lives. We were in tears, we were laughing so hard. It was really a great night. I mean it when I say that I am the luckiest girl in the world. My friends put up with a lot and no matter what, have never dropped me -- not even once. How rare that is to find let alone maintain. Wow. That is a statement.

My point is, life is short and time is ticking. Surround yourself with wonderful people who love you for who you are -- quirks and all. Make 2009 a great year. I wish you all the best for this year. Make time for the moments and memories that are unforgettable.

I think Five For Fighting said it best: You only got 100 years to live.

What will you have to show for those years?

2009 Resolution: Make every moment count. Live. Laugh. Love.

Rule of Thumb:

Whether it is professional or personal matters, this rule always should apply.

I learned this rule from my grandmother years ago. I never understood her, let alone what she meant by it. Now, looking back, I understand what she was trying to tell me.

I preach this rule to my business partners, to my friends and co-workers. It is a personal and professional strategy.

What is the rule? O.K. Get ready here it is: Never put all your eggs in one basket.

Let’s take it a step further. Do you know why? If you don’t let me tell you why, this will all make sense to you momentarily for all of you who are lost. You never put all your eggs in one basket because you are relying on one person, one source, one something to do everything.

Putting this in perspective, let’s use the example of money. You can have all your money in your wallet or put some of it away for a “rainy day,” as Grandma used to say. If you keep it all in your wallet (or in one basket so to speak) and you lose it, you can never get it back. However, if you save some of it, all is not lost.

Be smart. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Keep options on the table, and never settle unless you are 210 percent positive.

More rules to follow…stay tuned.

About the Author

Rae is the marketing associate for The Times Leader.

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