SORRY MOM & DAD: Dying at Denny’s

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First Posted: 8/5/2013

Dear Mom & Dad,

I honestly thought that last Saturday night I was going to stay out of trouble. I was hosting a fundraiser at the bar I manage to send a child with muscular dystrophy to a special needs camp for a week and planned on going straight home for a good night’s rest before a Sunday Funday at the concert of the summer: Jay Z and Justin Timberlake’s “Legends of the Summer” tour. However, I was absurdly reminded that when it comes to my life, it is nearly impossible to behave for an entire night.

It all started when my buddy stopped by to visit me at the bar with his girlfriend and her gay roommate. As usual, it only took 10 minutes for my friend and his girlfriend to fight back and forth until the gay roommate walked away saying, “This is even too caddy for me!”

Before you knew it, my buddy left, and his girlfriend Samantha was at the bar with me by herself.

“I was even going to dye my hair black for him!” she vented when it was just the two of us. “I have the hair dye in my car, but I have nobody to do it for me.”

“I’ll do it,” I offered.

“Tonight?” she asked.

“Well, I was planning on getting food after because I didn’t really eat all day,” I told her.

“Then let’s go to Denny’s,” she suggested. “I’m starving! We can dye my hair at my apartment after.”

Since I had the concert the next day, I explained that I didn’t want to be out all night.

“I’ll dye your hair at Denny’s,” I told her. “That way, we can overcome our hunger and you can get your hair done.”

“At Denny’s?” she screamed.

“Yes! Then when people ask where you got your hair done, you can say Denny’s!”

“You’re nuts, Justin Brown! How are we going to pull that off?”

“Let’s go to your house and get a towel and shampoo,” I instructed. “Leave the rest to me!”

After stuffing our faces, I told Samantha to take the hair dye out of her purse and follow me into the men’s room.

“What if our waitress thinks we left without paying,” asked Samantha.

That’s when I wrote a note on a napkin that read: “Dying our hair in the bathroom, be right back.” Considering it was 4 a.m. on a Saturday at Denny’s, I was assuming it wouldn’t be the craziest thing the waitress has seen on her shift.

I was wrong.

“I didn’t even believe it when I was told what was going on in here,” addressed the manager as he entered the men’s room 10 minutes later.

“You mean this never happened?” I asked, as I was rubbing chemicals into Samantha’s hair next to a urinal.

Although he didn’t answer yes or no, I’m assuming it was a no, as we were kicked out and had to finish dying her hair in the parking lot, with waitresses staring out the window.

Sorry, Mom and Dad, for getting kicked out of Denny’s at 4 a.m. for dying a girl’s hair in the men’s room. I guess multi-tasking is frowned upon in public restrooms.