SORRY MOM & DAD: The suite life

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First Posted: 6/3/2013

Last week I was on the phone interviewing Jean-Luc Bilodeau, star of ABC Family’s hit sitcom “Baby Daddy,” when I heard an abrupt pounding on my bedroom door. My stomach dropped. I was praying it was poltergeist. It was worse – my mother!
She then opened the door and started screaming at me for stepping on her mulch!
“Mom! I’m on the phone doing an interview with-” I whispered, holding the phone away from my beet-red face.
“I don’t care who you’re talking to!” she interrupted. “I told you NEVER STEP ON MY MULCH!!!!”
Since moving back home, I patiently tolerated my mother going through menopause, and getting on my case for drinking out of the soda bottle in the refrigerator, but interrupting my interview was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It was clear to me that it was time to get out of the house. So, I did the only logical thing – I grabbed a few clean pairs of boxers, my “Dancing with The NEPA Stars” mirror ball trophy, and moved in to the The Hilton Hotel in Scranton! I realized if Zack and Cody could live the suite life, so could I.
The Hilton Scranton has always been a home away from home for me, sort of how summer camp is for kids whose parents don’t know how to handle them not being in school for eight hours a day. After last staying there to pamper myself in preparation for my annual on-air beer pong tournament with 98.5 KRZ’s Rocky, I’m not surprised that out of 288 Hilton Hotels in the U.S., the Scranton location is ranked No. 8 for guest services! In 2012, they were ranked No. 5!
My stay kicked off to a great start, as I ate room service in bed and watched “The Mighty Ducks” on HBO Family. At home, my parents won’t order HBO.
The suite I stayed in had a jacuzzi bath tub that I took two bubble baths in a day. At home, I always get yelled at for taking too much time in the bathroom.
My mom doesn’t make me breakfast, even though every day I remind her that Vinny from “Jersey Shore” gets meals handed to him by his mother. At the Hilton, however, I got a breakfast buffet with fruit, omelettes to order, BACON, biscuits, and gravy, etc.
It’s better than the last buffet I had in Vegas!
After a few days of room service, bubble baths, and buffets, the Hilton became my new home, and the staff became my new family. I even hung out in my room with the maintenance man, door man, and two housekeepers, and we danced The Wobble together.
After realizing my underwear was on the bathroom floor for days, with nobody yelling at me for it, I started to realize I belonged home with my dysfunctional family. However, it’s always nice to have a home away from home…