SORRY MOM & DAD: A real mouthful

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First Posted: 7/15/2013

When I was in college, I used to host a morning radio show with my buddy on the campus radio station. Once a week, from 6 a.m. to 10a.m., we controlled the airwaves of California University of Pennsylvania’s WCAL radio station to host a show called “Tons of Fun with Us” – a name that we were hopefully high when we came up with.

“Waaaaaake up, California!!!!!!!!” we would scream bright and early to our listeners, which usually consisted of my fraternity pledges that I forced to listen.

“This is Dougie Fresh!” introduced my co-host.

“And I’m The Hot Mess!” I’d follow.

Yes, my radio name in college was The Hot Mess – which was quite appropriate, considering I would usually roll in hung over, or still drunk, twenty minutes after Dougie Fresh would open the show.

“You’re an hour late!” pointed out Dougie Fresh one morning.

“I wish! I actually have this horrible toothache. I couldn’t sleep all night!” I answered.

During a song break at 8 a.m. I called the dentist, hoping to get an appointment after the show.

“We’re booked all day,” I was told by the receptionist. “If you’re really in a lot of pain, I can squeeze you in right now.”

I rushed down the street to the dentist, where I was informed I had a cavity that was pretty close to the root.

“You’re lucky it didn’t reach the root,” said the doctor. “I’ll just give you a filling right now.”

“I’m kind of hosting a radio show,” I told him. “Can we do this later?”

It turned out he was booked all day, and leaving for vacation the following day, so I had to get it done right there.

“You said you were going to the bathroom!” shouted my co-host when I returned fifteen minutes before the show was over. “You were gone for an hour and a half!”

“I know! I’m sorry dude, I had to go get a filling at the dentist,” I admitted.

Dougie Fresh was left to carry the show that morning, because even when I returned I couldn’t speak very clearly.

Wrapping up the show, Dougie Fresh looked at me like he wanted me to speak. With a combination of pain killers and wanting to lighten the mood from being a bad co-host that day, I said: “Congratulations to Dougie Fresh’s mom for being 5 years cancer free today!”

His face froze.

“My mom listened to the show today for the first time… WITH EVERYONE AT WORK!” he shouted after we went off air. “I can only imagine what she’s thinking right now!”

Sorry, Mom and Dad, that I made his mother’s office think she was secretly battling a disease. I guess that’s why today Dougie Fresh is an editor at, and I manage a dive bar.