SORRY MOM & DAD: These are a few of my favorite things

Print This Page

First Posted: 4/30/2013

When I was in college, Oprah had a film crew document a woman getting pampered for the day at the Red Lobster I waited tables at for beer money. I witnessed the effect of Oprah cause a s—t show as management made two waitresses cry for telling them they were too ugly for TV. As someone who frequently created havoc at Red Lobster, I had an “A-ha!” moment, realizing I can do whatever Oprah does! Why stop at causing trouble at chain restaurants? Maybe I could have my own television show. Maybe I could have my own television network! Maybe I could have my own retired basketball player bottom for me in bed. Actually, maybe Oprah can keep that victory!

In the spirit of doing whatever Oprah can, I proudly introduce my “Favorite Things.” Ready. Set. Blow:


‘Dude Wipes’ are a tool for the modern day bro to stay fresh whenever, wherever. These compact, single-serving cleaner-uppers were created by five 24-year-old dudes living together post-college – raging, eating Mexican, and boozing five nights a week. With a lifestyle that caused enormous dumps, they created these wipes to have a level of sanitation and freshness beyond that of which dry, fibrous, easily-punctured cotton toilet paper is capable. ‘Dude Wipes’ gently slaughter odors and remove dirt, replacing them with a masculine scent and smooth surface! I swear by them! You’ll never want to use toilet paper again! Available at


Some people sing in the shower – I lipsync! Watch my karaoke video, where I’m singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” dressed in a white fur coat and football helmet, and you’ll see why I will never be a pop star (type “Daddy Dimples” on YouTube). Film yourself lip-syncing, watch it back, and you’ll see why it’s one of my favorite things!


You’re never ready for a night out without a fresh pair of kicks! They’re a guy’s number one accessory. It’s difficult to find a pair that’ll capture everyone’s attention. That’s why I always head to Radii Footwear ( when I’m looking for the freshest look on my feet. Radii Footwear, based in Southern Cali, offers futuristic designs that always keep your foot headed fashion forward. I just ordered my fourth pair in the past month!


Every time I go to Vegas, it’s a crazier experience than the last. No matter how hungover or broke my trip makes me, there’s one thing I’ll never leave without doing: visiting the thrill rides on top of the Stratosphere Tower. Located 1,149 feet above the Vegas Strip, you’ll find five heart-pounding thrill rides unlike anything you’ll ever experience! Book your stay at” and thank me later!


Sorry, Mom and Dad, but I used to schedule my classes around the airing of “Maury,” my favorite show! I recently interviewed him before the taping of his 2500th episode. Head to to watch the interview and the unveiling of all my favorite things!