GIRL TALK: Mother knows best

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First Posted: 4/1/2013

After a few nights on the town, the guy I was dating, Adam, had invited me over his place to watch movies. I have been in my fair share of bachelor pads, but this one should have come with a warning label. In addition to the house being a filthy mess, his fridge was completely empty except for a bottle of expired ranch dressing and some cheap beer.

This should have been my red alert signal to bail, but my maternal instincts went into overdrive. I wanted to help. He drifted to sleep mid-movie, so I decided to surprise him. I went to the grocery store and bought a food order for the house. Then, being the Susie Homemaker that I am, I went back to his apartment and threw dinner in the oven. I straightened up the house while it was cooking. The aroma of dinner in the air woke him from his slumber. He devoured the food and said it was a nice change from the Ramen Noodles and hot sauce he was accustomed to eating.

He picked up a pile of bills that were scattered about the table. As he turned, an ultrasound picture fell to the floor. I asked if he had a child because he had never brought this up before. He said, “No,” it was his cousin’s baby, and he quickly put it in a drawer.

Adam started getting used to having someone mother him. One night, he called and said his friends took off and he needed a ride home. The week after that, he needed gas money. The week after that, the house was filthy again and he asked if I could help clean up because his mom was coming over and wanted the place presentable.

The next night, I realized I had left my phone at his house. I had met his mom a few times before, so I knew it wouldn’t be awkward if I stopped quickly to pick it up. I knocked on the door and a pregnant girl answered. I assumed it was his cousin; perhaps she was joining his mom for dinner? I was wrong.

She asked who I was. I apologized for interrupting the evening. I told her I was Adam’s girlfriend and just needed to get my phone. Her eyes glared, and like a grizzly bear, she growled that she was also his girlfriend – his very pregnant girlfriend.

Apparently, I had confirmed her suspicions of infidelity. The house was uncharacteristically clean and had food in it. She hoped this was a sign that he was making a lifestyle change and growing up because of his oncoming fatherhood, but she should have known better.

Adam came strolling in from the other room and his face went pale when he saw us talking. I told him I would be picking up my phone and deleting him from it. I left and never looked back. I don’t know whatever happened with the baby’s mother. I hope for her sake that her maternal instincts are directed at the new baby and not Adam.