Online dating. Can it work?

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First Posted: 12/2/2014

Recently Girl Talk held a contest that encouraged readers to share their best girl talk. You have heard about all of my bad dates and tragedies, so I wanted to hear some of yours and the winner received a free hair and make-up makeover courtesy of Au Salon in Dallas. Thank you to all of the entries. Below is the winner.

I was struggling in the dating world so I decided to try online dating. After a few emails, I found a guy on OKCupid non-threatening enough to suggest we meet and I gave him my number to make plans.

On Friday, he texts. He’s off work, and at 11 a.m. asks me to come to his house where he and his roommate are drinking. I’m not stupid, and not looking for a booty call because this is not Tinder. I actually wanted a relationship; so I decline, saying he’s lucky to have the day off, but I’m stuck at work. I told him that I have a barbecue for a friend’s birthday that evening, and maybe we can get a drink after.

Meanwhile, I’m texting my friend who is hosting the party about my conversation with him, and she suggests I invite him to the barbecue.

He said it sounded like a great idea and he couldn’t wait to meet me. Maybe this online dating thing had potential after all. I text directions and I said I’d meet him out front. Once the party started, my phone buzzed that he was here. There was a big truck parked a bit down the street and I recognize my date, as the passenger, from his profile picture. He got out and I watched in horror as he proceeded to urinate right there in the street. I lurched out of sight until I thought he’d finished, and then I went to meet him. He walks up, hugs me, and says that he thinks he’s peed on his shoe a bit. What a romantic. He presented his roommate (who’d driven) and half a bottle of cheap whiskey. His breath gave away where the other half was.

We spent less than 90 minutes together, during which he and his roommate finished the whiskey, his roommate meowed at my friend’s sister and openly stared at every girl’s breasts. Like normal people who are surrounded by strangers do, he asked my friend where to get cocaine. As if that was not bad enough, he freely admitted he hadn’t showered that day, or that one of his more offensive tattoos was of a pig on a spit, a police reference as much as a barbecue one. We tried to find common ground in tattoos. I wanted this date to be over but tried being polite by asking about his ink. He had a lot, many of which were quite offensive, and included a tramp-stamp of two crossed chicken drumsticks.

He proudly announced to the other party goers, that he truly believed he was going to get laid up until maybe the last 15 minutes he was there. It was here that our “date” came to its harrowing end. Somehow doomsday prepping and government oppression came up, and he was very serious about it. When I didn’t share his views, he got offended, and walked out.

I decided that online dating wasn’t for me and that I am better off meeting men the old fashioned way. I have better luck in a dark bar than on a website.