Nobody wants these so just don’t go there

Print This Page

First Posted: 11/23/2014

They’re the bottom of the barrel. The dregs. It’s the gift that could make the recipient be a contender for an Academy Award. “You shouldn’t have.” Those three little words almost always indicate, perhaps you shouldn’t have because you didn’t put much thought into the purchase and it shows. Your gift recipient is telling you “I hate my present.”

So, c’mon Santa, you Grinch, think before you buy, wrap and put it under the tree. They say it’s the thought that counts, so why didn’t you think first before you purchased.

Forget calendars, socks, coffee and tea sets. That fruitcake? Just toss it.

And stay away from these because they are the Worst. Gifts. Ever.

No ‘rain’deer: Unwrap what appears to be shaped like an umbrella and lo and behold, it’s an umbrella. Why did you even bother wrapping it anyway? Sure, it’s useful. But, it’s no fun. You can’t even try it out because everyone knows it’s bad luck to open one indoors. So, thanks for also gifting me with some bad luck too. Just can’t wait until it rains. And it pours. And the stupid umbrella blows inside out and has to be tossed into the trash. But, yeah, I really love it.

It sparkles, but it’s not a diamond: Just what I always wanted. A Swiffer! It picks up dust. It’s useful, but I didn’t want it for Christmas. A vacuum cleaner or a basket full of Febreeze is a real no-no. Either you’re trying to tell someone that their house is a mess or you’re a gift-giving mess. This is why there are gift cards.

Fat chance: Are you calling me overweight? Are you calling me fat when holiday goodies are also beckoning to me? The Atkins Cookbook. A scale. A clothing item in a size “weigh” too big or small are so wrong on all counts. Maybe you should have just bought me some Spanx. At least you would have spent more money.

‘Achoos’e your gift carefully: Anything that can cause allergies wan’t make a memorable merry Christmas especially if that person ends up in the emergency room. So if you don’t know your gift recipient very well, don’t bring something likely to cause problems. That means no scented candles or perfumes. No food items with peanuts or chocolate. No cheap bottle of wine that may end up in the hands of a recovering alcoholic.

‘Tis the season for anything but a holiday print: That Santa sweatshirt. The reindeer on dish cloths. It’s a gift that doesn’t keep on giving. It looked so festive in the store, but once you unwrap it, the Christmas card pattern is suddenly so dated, especially if you exchanged gifts on Dec. 25. Get more creative or don’t even bother bringing a gift. Hmm…As for that Easter bunny motif…No maybe not yet.