Everybody poops!

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First Posted: 10/3/2014

When entering into a new relationship, we always try to be the best version of ourselves in order to impress our new potential mate. Girls for instance, generally try our best to dress a little nicer, put effort into our hair and make-up and do our best to act like well-bred ladies.

Eventually, the gig is up.

We let our true selves show. Maybe our apartments aren’t always spotless, maybe our Sundays are spent in sweatpants and maybe, just maybe, we poop.

I am in a wonderful relationship right now. We are happy, things are great, we spend a ton of time together getting to know each other and have decided to move in together. I have let him see the messy side of me that throws dirty laundry in the vicinity of the hamper instead of into it, he sees that my fridge is full of old take out containers instead of actual groceries and he sees me more in sweatpants these days than in dresses.

We recently went on vacation together, three blissful days out of Pennsylvania, just the two of us. I was very excited for the alone time; what I didn’t take into consideration however, was that all this nonstop time together doesn’t leave time for private moments. I forgot about things like having gas or going to the bathroom more than a quick pee. I found myself making excuses to run to the vending machine or into a random gift shop aisle alone just to have a place to let it out.

I know he does it, so why am I so uncomfortable with him knowing that I do too? I was brought up a lady, and ladies don’t fart, burp or poop. Just to settle my nerves on the subject, I brought it up casually to the girl at work to see if I was alone on this. Is everybody letting it out or keeping it in?

Majority rules, girls don’t fart. One out of 16 girls asked admitted to doing this in front of her man. As far as longevity goes, I asked my boss, who is a married man, when he thought it would be OK for a girl to break wind. He admits that he and his wife have been together for 11 years and he has never heard her do it, ever.

Does this mean I have to look forward to a lifetime of tummy pains and bad excuses? When I asked my boyfriend what he would think, he was unfazed by the question. I’m a human, humans have bodily functions, why is this an issue? If he is OK with it, shouldn’t I be?

I don’t know that I will get to that place of comfort. Is it a sign that I am not as comfortable in my relationship as I thought I was, or is it just my inner lady trying to shine through and have some manners?

So if everybody poops, why can’t I?