SORRY MOM & DAD: Turn down for what?

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First Posted: 1/20/2014

I’ll never forget my first Thanksgiving after turning 21. I was so hungover from celebrating the biggest bar night of the year for the first time that I had to have my dad pull the car over so I could puke on our way to eat Thanksgiving dinner. It’s safe to say that nobody in the car that day will forget, either. Sorry, Mom and Dad.

Behavior like that can be expected from someone that is 21. They have being young as an excuse, and it is assumed they will outgrow such debauchery by the time they get out of college and find a job and grow up.

The way I look at it, what’s the rush to calm down or grow up? What’s wrong with being 27 and still taking body shots off college girls? Since when have you heard of a 20-something with their s—t together? Better yet, since when have you heard of a person of any age really having their s—t together?

Listen up, fellow 20-somethings: The next time your parents, preacher, boss, or Tinder date tells you to start acting your age, fire back with “10 Reasons 20-Somethings Should Stay Turnt Up.”

1. With immature acts – like having the polite way to say “f—k you” now being to delete someone from Facebook being practiced by grown-ups – adolescence is now being extended, so who cares how immature you act? Even the government has taken notice by allowing people to remain on their parents’ insurance until age 26. If the government is recognizing this, it must be true. Excluding the 2000 presidential election, gay marriage, and the issue of marijuana legalization, when has the government ever been wrong?

2. More than half of last year’s college graduates are either unemployed or working a job that doesn’t even require a bachelor’s degree. If society doesn’t value us, how are we expected to value ourselves enough to not get drunk, high, and unexpectedly pregnant?

3. Alcohol consumption can lower the risk of diabetes, and since childhood obesity is at an all-time high, staying turnt up can prevent getting diseases from it.

4. We will regret the things we didn’t do in life, rather than the things we did do, or drink.

5. More people will remember the name of Charlie Sheen than your high school valedictorian.

6. Madonna didn’t become famous until she was 27. Her early 20s were spent being broke and having lots of unprotected sex, and now she’s an icon.

7. Heather Locklear once told someone interested enough in what she had to say, “You can’t change men, so you settle for changing your lipstick.” For people who want to change 20-somethings, take that in, shut your face, and go change your lipstick color.

8. Remember the phrase M.Y.O.B.?

9. Snooki turned out alright.

10. We deserve it. I scrounged up so much change today just to put gas in my tank that after handling all that metal my hands smelled like I jerked off the Tin Man. I dare anyone to say I don’t deserve to black out after experiencing that!