What will they think of next?

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First Posted: 10/13/2014

When in a relationship, you always try your best to keep the spice in your love life. What greater personal satisfaction is there, than having a mate who keeps coming back for more and openly shows that you are the object of their desire? There are so many methods on the market today to enhance your love life and keep the love bacon sizzling that I wanted to get a deeper look into some of the more questionable products available to ladies today.

I was recently in Manhattan having a girl’s trip with my best friend. After hours of shopping and cocktails, we were roaming the city streets giggling at each other’s nonsensical behaviors and blissfully enjoying the after effects of our boozy city crawl. We decided to entertain ourselves by going into an adult store and browsing the merchandise. It was here, that I saw the most confusing of all sexual accessories (which I felt the need to purchase and study). I am here now to share my findings on this mythical device. Ladies and gentleman, I bring you “The Vajazzler”

When a lady decides to share her southern atmosphere with the gentleman of her choice, it is a precious gift. What better way to decorate the gift, than with a bow? That my friend, is where the Vajazzler comes in. So you may be asking, what exactly is a Vajazzler? Do you want to be Vajazzled?

A Vajazzle is a clear skin sticker with rhinestones that says a phrase or has a suggestive picture on it. It is something I have personally purchased in the past, for my daughter, at a cheer competition…and it went on her face because it said “Go Team!” with a cheer megaphone. Never in my wildest dreams did I think of sticking the sticker downtown, but someone did, therein creating the Vajazzle.

When purchasing my Vajazzler, there were several options available to me. There was “single” which I am not, so I passed. There was “The Party Is Inside” and while this made me giggle, I don’t really know that I want my lady bits reading like a sign stuck in the yard at a frat house, nor do I want an open invitation to the party in my pants; so I passed on this one too. There was the ever suggestive “Eat me”, but I am a lady and well…no. There were a few generic options such as “hot stuff” and “sexy” and “little devil” but they really didn’t seem like a fit for me. Finally, I reached the section where instead of words, there were pictures.

The first one I saw was a rhinestone fish. Who on earth would advertise their junk with a fish? Apparently it’s an option for those interested. The next one I saw was a heart; cute, but still not right. My heart is in my chest, not my vagina. I finally found my perfect Vajazzle! A cute, pink, sparkly bow; it’s so me, feminine, delicate, non suggestive yet it gets the point across.

I applied my sticker with pride and Vajazzled all over town with my rhinestone encrusted treasure chest. The gift was opened, my boyfriend laughed at me and called me ridiculous. So in addition to losing a layer of skin with my Vajazzle project, I didn’t earn any points in the romance department for my efforts.

I have to give the Vajazzeler a romantic gesture fail.