SECURELY FASIONED: No water? No worries!

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First Posted: 2/3/2014

“Moisture is the essence of wetness and wetness is the essence of beauty.” That’s a quote from my favorite male fashion model, Derek Zoolander. I try my best to drink eight glasses of water a day, wash my face and exfoliate regularly, and take oatmeal baths in the winter to prevent dry skin.

Since Thursday, Jan. 30, I have not had running water. Approximately 8,000 Pennsylvania American Water clients are out of water due to a water main break until… who knows when. As of this writing, it’s now day two. Hopefully by the time you read this I am not shriveled up in a smelly, greasy mess in my Scranton house. I keep forgetting this issue as I step over large containers of water throughout every room and think, “Oh well, maybe I will just take a bubble bath – can’t. Then I will just do up these dishes – can’t. Or wash these clothes – can’t! Make Ramen noodles – can’t! Shave legs – can’t! I give up! I will just wash my face, brush my teeth, and go to bed… oh s—t!”

Unfortunately, the day the water main broke was my “day off” from washing my hair. I’ve stopped pouting (for now) and decided to work with what I don’t have.

This morning before work, I sprayed about a half a can of Psssssst! Dry Shampoo onto my roots for instant lift, oil absorption, and a clean baby powder scent. I wrapped my hair up into a ballerina bun and added distracting accessories. Tomorrow I will do the same and add a black cotton head wrap to cover the roots.

I have plenty of baby wipes in the house, so that’s covered. I am also a huge fan of Jennifer Lopez’s first fragrance Glow; it’s a very clean bubble bath scent. I spritz that on and at least feel and smell clean for a few hours. Now I’m searching for celebrity inspiration. I pretend my very handsome but increasingly greasy husband is just personifying Johnny Depp and I am going for a less annoying version of Kesha and it’s really not so bad. Those furry, scaly dry legs – it’s kind of European, and who gives a crap?! It’s really not that bad. In the 18th century, many people lived an entire life without ever taking a bath and there was no Secret Extra Strength or raspberry scented shave gel – you just clipped some flowers onto your smelly self and didn’t think twice. So really, how hard can a few days be?

Honestly, it’s horrible. I hate it. I still can’t figure out how to brush my teeth with this Tupperware container of water! I feel totally gross! There are dirty dishes! Dirty clothes! I have a baby! Screw this, the Rovins are going to spend the next few days at a good friend’s house, where I will be taking a long, hot shower.