SORRY MOM & DAD: How to ‘pimp out’ your cubicle

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First Posted: 9/8/2014

I’ve waited on a lot of things in life.

I’ve waited on tables. I’ve waited on phone calls telling me the results of home pregnancy tests. I’ve waited on the day I’d get a job doing something I went to college for so I could stop relying on tips to buy beer and Jordan’s.

Unlike the anticipation for Nicki Minaj to realize that my anaconda does want some, my overdue interval of establishing a career is over!

I now spend my days getting into physical altercations with vending machines over M&M’s when I’m not sitting in my cubicle.

When you’re trapped in a cubicle for eight hours a day it can be easy to suffer from cubicle trapetoidism — a condition of feeling trapped in your confined work space.

For all my young professionals out there stuck in a confined working space, here’s how to pimp out your cibicle in five easy steps!

1. Office supplies

Office supplies can be expensive. Start out by raiding the office supply closet.

Once you’ve raided the supply closet and your personal storage, drop thirty bucks at Staples for miscellaneous supplies – especially a desk calendar! Don’t be cheap. Think of all the money you save at Happy Hour. You’ll live.

2. Pictures

Taping some pictures to your cubicle wall is an inexpensive way to give your work space a splash of style.

While a picture of you puking on the boardwalk in Ocean City at a bachelor party is good for a lot of likes on Facebook, it won’t go over well with your boss. That doesn’t mean you can only hang pictures of you volunteering with orphans. Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want your employer seeing on Facebook.

3. Professional Achievements

When you post awards or emails from people recognizing your work, your co-workers can’t say anything about how loud or colorful your cubicle space is.

4. Junkfood drawer

When I interned at “Jimmy Kimmel Live” the staff kitchen was junkfood heaven. Each drawer was a diabetic kid’s worst nightmare! The drawer where silveware is usually kept was filled with every kind of gum imaginable. The drawer beneath — all candy bars! It keeps you focused.

5. The Hoff

Like a German teenage girl in the 1980s, I love The Hoff. If you have a problem with that, you can’t sit with us on our lunch break.