Your new local watering hole

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First Posted: 3/26/2015

WILKES-BARRE — Here’s a bright idea: PennDOT, in an effort to cut down on labor costs, intends to fill potholes all throughout Wilkes-Barre with chlorinated water this summer for the sole purpose of allowing Pennsylvanians to dive in.

In Hillary Clinton’s final paid speech before she announces her bid for the presidency, Clinton spoke to the American Camp Association, stating: “We have a huge fun defecit in America.”

This radical move by PennDOT mirrors Clinton’s sentiments.

In a news release accompanying the announcement, PennDOT states: “What can we say? We’re broke. We might as well have a little fun while we’re at it.”

Skeeter Jones of Wilkes-Barre doesn’t mind the idea of more public pools in the area.

“Holy moly! You know what? It’ll be nice to not having to walk over to the Y or crash at a friend’s house if you want to take a quick dip. I’m definitely a fan of getting my tan on right in the middle of Sherman Street,” Jones said.

Madeline “Mad” Ashell of Plains Township isn’t too thrilled to hear this latest news.

“I’m mad as hell! It’s bad enough I have to Nissan juke out the moon craters leading down to the gates of hell on Scott Street, now there’s gonna be a whole bunch of little varmints splish-splashing around,” Ashell said. “How am I supposed to get to work on time?”

Governor Wolf declined to comment on the matter.

Apparently, he’s less a fan of asphalt as he is a fan of shale.