9-year-old beer pong champ accepted to LCCC

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First Posted: 3/27/2015

Stop what you’re doing. Some respect is owed to a 9-year-old boy from Pittston for turning an inappropriate game of beer pong into a college education at Luzerne County Community College.

Interim LCCC President Dr. Tiffani-Amber Goldberg confirmed on Twitter that his institution for higher learning will be welcoming the prepubescent child with open arms. “We warmly embrace diversity at LCCC,” the tweet explained, adding that “a drinking prodigy is still a prodigy.”

According to the boy’s mother, Roxanne Wilding, a.k.a. Titts McGee around the trailer park where she resides, her fourth-grader-turned-college-boy, Riley Wilding, started drinking last summer to emulate his stepfather, Butch Mann.

“He just idolizes Butch. Once my husband lost his job, he started drinking all the time. One day, my little boy started drinking just to be like him. We were shocked as hell when he could drink Butch under the table. We were all like, ‘holy hell, we got a gifted son on our hands’,” McGee said.

Gretchen Fletcher, the boy’s babysitter, said the underage drinking prodigy quickly picked up on such recreational drinking games as flip-cup and beer pong.

“Nobody can beat my boyfriend, Rabbit, at beer pong. I mean nobody. But this little dude comes out of nowhere and kicks his ass at the game. He beat Rabbit 10 times in one night. Then he got his stomach pumped. It was a great night,” Fletcher said.

When McGee found out that her son beat Rabbit at beer pong 10 times, she knew his social skills were growing faster than his knocked knees.

“My son can hold down a keg stand for 90 seconds and he can whip anybody’s behind in beer pong. He doesn’t belong in fourth grade. His peers don’t understand his world. That’s why I decided to take him out of elementary school and put him in college. He needs to be around people who understand his social needs, like getting lit,” McGee said.

The University of Scranton and King’s College denied the 9-year-old’s application for admission, McGee said, but LCCC accepted him. “LCCC accepts anybody. My grandmother could get accepted there, and she died in 1987,” McGee said of her decision to have her son apply to the local college.

LCCC student Bradley Brodenheimershlickerfeister of Nanticoke said the young drinking prodigy will discredit the school’s reputation.

“LCCC is a great school,” Brodenheimershlickerfeister said in a SnapChat video. When his SnapChat time ran out, he sent a series of text messages that read: “I don’t want someone who promotes underage drinking to come to my school. Luzerne County Community College provides a foundation of core knowledge and skills, is catered to provide a quality educational experience accessible for all learners and contributes culturally competent members of society in Luzerne County and the surrounding Northeastern Pennsylvania region.”

McGee posted a Facebook status to inform the small group of mothers who support her decision that her son “is looking forward to college so he can keep kicking ass at beer pong and meet sluts who don’t care about his age.”

The 9-year-old will start classes this summer.