17 Friends everybody has on SnapChat

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First Posted: 1/6/2015

My name is Justin and I’m a Snapaholic.

I’m not a shopaholic, I’m not an alcoholic, nor am I a lesbian unicorn. I’m a Snapaholic — a person addicted to using SnapChat.

Even though my mother says, “What grown man who is almost 30 years old uses SnapChat?” I still can’t help but document my day throughout a series of pics and ten-second video clips. (For the record, I’m 28, look 24 and act 21, and, my mother has been telling me I’m almost 30 since I was 25.)

My SnapChat addiction is seriously a problem, and I recognize that I need help.

My excessive use of SnapChat is to blame for the reason I almost crash my car every day on my way to work, the reason I can’t find any of my socks (or so I imagine) and the reason my friend Kim won’t talk to me any more. Kim is mad that I sent a video of her talking about a guy she had sex with to some of my SnapChat friends while we were catching up at a diner recently. In my defense, Kim did suggest a sandwich that I didn’t like, and, I have an addiction.

Since I use the app so often, I have come to learn that there are many different types of people who SnapChat.

Here is my expert opinion — or addicted, you be the judge — on 17 friends that everybody has on SnapChat.

1. The friend that you don’t talk to in real life.

2. The Tinder-match who ‘doesn’t give out there number’ but sends you nude pics via SnapChat.

3. The friend who always screen-shots your Snaps.

4. The friend who lives in a warmer climate than you and wants you to know it.

5. The friend who has an unhealthy obsession with their dog.

6. The girl who used to be sober but sends you drunk videos.

7. The guy who used to be sober but sends you drunk videos.

8. The friend who is sober and sends video clips of what they are binge-watching on Netflix.

9. The friend who Snaps pictures of their drink at the bar.

10. The friend who thinks you care about that ’90s song that came on the radio.

11. The friend who thinks you care what their outfit choice is before they head out for the night.

12. The parent that sends you videos of everything ‘cute’ that their baby does. Everything.

13. The guy who is ‘making gains’ and always Snaps a post-workout selfie.

14. The girl who Snaps a selfie of herself ‘before’ a run, but never after a run, because you know there is no way in hell she works out.

15. The friend who has no ‘best friends’ on SnapChat.

16. The friend who is never in their Snaps.

17. The friend who looks like they have way too much fun and should probably be in jail.