It’s all in the cards

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First Posted: 4/1/2014

The supernatural has always been something that piqued my interest. When a friend suggested to me that we try out a psychic, I was ready to see what the cards held for me. I never had a reading done before and didn’t know what to expect.

In my mind, I pictured Whoopi Goldberg in “Ghost” sitting in front of a crystal ball, humming to herself while the spirits tell her that for an additional fee they will speak to me through her. I imagined chickens squawking in cages, thunder booms, and neon lights advertising five-dollar palm readings.

It turned out to be nothing like that at all. The psychic was a sweet old lady with a purple tablecloth, some gemstones, and a heavily scented stick of incense. The cards she read for me advised that I will soon have problems with the law. I scoffed at this; I have never been in a drop of trouble aside from the occasional speeding ticket. As luck would have it, a week or so later, I was pulled over.

The officer told me my license had been suspended since 2005 for a late payment on one of the aforementioned tickets and no one cared to let me know because the address that the DMV had on file was one I lived at three addresses ago. This confused me since I have always kept my address on my license updated, but these are the cards I was dealt – literally. The officer wouldn’t let me move my car, so I stood in a dress and heels on the side of the highway waiting for my parents to come rescue me.

I blamed this twist of fate on those tarot cards, of course. After this catastrophe was over, I ended up dating that cop for a brief time, but that’s another Girl Talk for another week.

The psychic also told me that I had a guardian angel. I was never a believer in angels until then. She said that my angel was an older relative with one leg. As far as I knew, all my relatives had both of their legs, so I ran this by my mom. She advised me that my uncle, who passed away when I was about 4 years old, had lost a leg to diabetes. He was a very successful business man who owned an adult entertainment store in State College. As luck would have it, my guardian angel is a porn-pushing paraplegic. This explains a great deal about how my life has shaped up to this point.

To say the very least, at the end of it all, the tarot card reading was interesting. It opened my eyes to parts of me that I never knew existed (and opened my wallet to the Luzerne County court system). I still find the supernatural to be fascinating and am curious to see what cards I am dealt next time I go. I confidently believe that the future holds great things, with or without one-legged porn peddlers.